13th Tsuki

2012-02-02T13:29:00.002+08:00

This probably isn't the best time to be blogging when the deadline's breathing down my neck, but the weather's so delicious and my brain's filled with hymns and rhythms and epiphanies and I don't want to lose sight of this, whatever I'm feeling.

I've read through my posts. My world is centered around myself.
Often I'm the narrator who muses over tales that are not my own.

Meaning, I interpret situations and people in my own manner.
I like- prefer to be the observer, the by-stander, the uninvolved.

When I'm forced into the picture, I'm a blubbery mess.
I'm self-conscious of everything I am, my portrayal of me.

Although my blog is filled with confessions of how confused I am, days pass me by while I'm observing, taking in the little, insignificant acts of life and parsing them through a shredder within me. Then I cradle the shreds and chew on them, most thoughtfully.

It removes the confusion and leaves a tingling pressure.
I do not have an impact on anyone and I don't have to be mindful of me.

It's one of the few things that pulls me down to reality without demanding anything in return, makes me feel the hop in my steps.

I take in my surroundings, I see people pushing others to board the morning train, making irritated tuts of annoyance, I see the girl holding her mother's hand as she sucks on a lollipop and rambles away about a day well spent in school while her mother tucks her sweaty strands away and pets her head and I see the love glimmering in her eyes, I see the deluded youths in love with love as they hold the object that embodies their interpretation of love, but I don't shake my head in sympathy because interpretations are ubiquitous and unique in their own rights, I see the elderly ranting about their grandchildren and matters so irrelevant in the grand scheme of life, I see the businessmen tapping away on electronical devices and wonder if they know half the effort spent on developing such devices, and I'm just so happy.

I observe, and I'm happy, because these are tales that are not my own.
Nobody needs to know who I am, nor would they be burdened with my thoughts.

I'm unshackled from myself when I peruse tales and tales and endless tales.

Once, I've tried to analyse myself.
Analyse my life story, I my me mine.

I'm still the narrator, the omnipotent, all foreseeing.
I analysed my reactions, interactions, words.

I tried to form an opinion of myself, then I gave up halfway because I wasn't half as interested in this person called Janet as I was in the rest of the world.

It isn't because I already know what Janet goes through.
It's because Janet is uninspirational and nothing but another face in the masses.

So I think, I'll just do what I'm best at.
People's opinions of Janet shouldn't matter to me.

I want to observe and paint the funny walks of life.

And that is all.

2012-02-01T23:18:00.000+08:00

Confidence is a most crucial ingredient in the makings of attractiveness.

It's something I sorely lack, though I don't pine for it.
I tend to act like a know-it-all because it frightens people.

At least I know, because people with confidence spilling in their wake frightens and awes me.

Making mountains out of molehills, creating non-existent issues, sometimes even playing the retard just to nurse the aching need to belong away into wonderland. It doesn't mean I'm not already trapped in a trance, only that I may very well lose my grip of the only route home if I don't commit these offences once in a while.

Fickle is my middle name. I've proclaimed I'm an attention-seeker on several posts. I've also proclaimed I'm not. But I'm not lying. I do lie, but I'm not lying on those posts declaring my status of attention-seeking, because they're the way I feel at the moment they were posted.

My posts are contradictory because I can feel saint-like one day and spiteful the next several months. When I try to ensure I'm as congruous as possible, I end up an equivocation with neither goals nor purpose in sight...not that I have them in the first place.

When I interact with others, I abuse "sorry" and "thank you" to a sorrowful extent. They've been drained of their meanings and I've done wrong to the English language. Do my "sorry" and "thank you" inconvenience others as much as the lack of them do?

Everything I do is wrong.

I recall our first presentation for our Java project. Our entire class was unaware how building an application goes about. It's more hands-on than anything, really. So, for our proposal, we could only throw in ideas we hope could impress the teacher.

I don't know what warrants an A. And if you ask if I'm desperate for an A? No. No, I'm not a perfectionist about my scores because it'll turn on me and suffocate me in the end. I try my best to keep a sane mind for a day longer because I want to appreciate my mom's smile.

Why am I working, then?

Times like this is exactly when I wish I could be someone else with their personal brand of thoughts and personality. But because I am not and will never experience this sweet temptation, I can only go by my own logic and reason.

Isn't it natural to desire a better score than not?
Would you rather a B, C, D, E or F as compared to an A?

"You say it like you could simply choose any grade you want and swish your hips as you walk away."

But, is that not the truth?
I can simply choose my grade.

As long as I study, I can choose my grade.
I can choose a F if circumstances demand.

It's my hard-earned liberty.

That's the truth behind my 4.0 GPA.
I didn't work exceptionally hard.

Just enough to choose my grade.

Following the same line of thought, I worked hard on the proposal and threw in ideas, ideas my brain thought to be innovative, not in the arrogant, obnoxious manner, but tentatively labelled as the most innovative I can come up with despite feeling they aren't innovative at all. I'd rather that than throw in sloppy, undriven ideas.

What happens?

I'm lectured for half an hour on my over-ambitious endeavours. I wasn't expecting rave reviews; I typed my proposal with just enough hard work, but my motivation was close to nil. I wasn't even proud of my hard work because it's nothing but an obstacle to knock over to obtain my liberty.

You can guess, I ended up utterly confused.
I won't deny being over-ambitious if I am, but I wasn't.

Not for this project, no.
It's nothing but a chore.

The teacher could have marked a C on my proposal and I wouldn't feel hurt; I'd only realize it's time to bring my hard work up a notch.

Is hard work wrong? Indolence is wrong, that's my hardwired ethics. But is hard work wrong? If hard work is wrong and indolence is wrong, where does that leave me?

I'm always wrong.

Like when I come to a consensus and it's wrong in some way. Those beautiful, confident creatures can do the same thing, but I'll screw up for some reason because my personality's just wrong.

My intentions are taken the wrong way (I don't have the confidence to carry them out in the first place). I see my posts as complaints, I try to explain "It's how I really feel and I'm not just an attention whore," the bitter irony gets to my tongue because, people's opinions are all that matters in the end. It's my blog, my thoughts, and then there's something compelling me to dispel any possible misunderstandings because I want people to have the purest, most raw image of me.

I'm so rotten I don't know what to do with myself.
I'm just wrong, my face, my life, my personality, me.

I scream wrong, I reek wrong, I am wrong.

I pretend and pretend and pretend to be a nice person who helps, not because it's heartwarming to see the smiles and receive the "thank you" but because it eases any guilt I have of inconveniencing others. It's all for me.

Sometimes I reach the point of thinking selfishness is nothing but a virtue when my mind threatens to go Armageddon on me with all its thoughts, relevant or irrelevant, rational or irrational, because I'm engulfed by depression and depression alone and I don't know what's what anymore and I only know to think straight again I have to care for myself before I can crawl my way back to my world of pretense and please people to live days free of guilt.

When I open up that one video on YouTube,
and I listen to Naru laugh with such mirth,
and I realize it's not Naru himself because Naru doesn't have a voice,

I smile at his antics, anyway, because nobody's drawing the line between reality and fantasy and Naru is as real as it gets and I want to stare at his gait and confess lengthy accounts of my veneration and he'll just smile and accept.

He'll accept me for who I am with all my dirty flaws and secrets.
He doesn't mind I'm never adequate for him, or anyone else, and embraces.

His blue orbs are all I see.
Sparkling blue with hair like the sun.

I like sleeping.

In my dreams I see him.
I can hug him, kiss him.

Then morning pours hot buckets of acid and god, the hours it takes till nightfall.

And I can't meet him every night.

It's funny.

The second my fingers tapped on the full-stop to complete my sentence, the waterdam broke and I don't reckon the current's been this trenchant in a while. It's broken. It's a grand flood with no signs of stopping.

I really really really wish he's real
At the same time I don't

because humans are so scary
and i don't want him to turn out scary

he's fine the way he is
we'll meet in our dreams

one day we'll meet in more than just dreams
then maybe the void in my heart will be filled.

2012-01-30T23:27:00.002+08:00

MY ~~ICE~~ EYES-

A dry spell, cracked with age.
I'd better lie back on the lenses.

So I sauntered my grand ass over to Student Affairs and ~~snatched~~ politely requested a copy of the application form for ~~world domination!~~ forming a brand new club.

Dun dun!

Kay, I was dull and listless during the morning lesson.
Jokes aside, I saw no meaning to life. Literally.

Not a suicide message, merely a realization.

Are we given any purpose in life the moment we lapped oxygen with such avaricious ferocity? No, we're merely fighting for our survival in every waking nanosecond. We're so untainted and pure and unknowing of Life.

(Pause and ask yourself, you'll find Life to be queer when we could be something entirely different. Constant questioning and second-guessing are abilities I hope I'll never lose.)

Then the cultures and fads and The Way We Should Be Defined seep into our hairlines, tiny crescent moons of fingernail marks, bridge of our noses, joints that groan with the passage of time and bam! We're products waiting to be served, judged for the fallacies we're doomed to portray.

We struggle so hard to fit in despite knowing we're circles, squares and triangles that'll never come to snuggle comfortably against one another. What makes the situation hilarious is how we turn our eyes and ears away from the elephant in the room, which prompts me to ask: Is there no elephant because everybody pretends it's invisible?

Perhaps it'll fade into the background in our disillusioned minds, but one day a brave young boy will step into the room and question the sanity of the adults. "Mom, what's wrong with everyone? I'm scared, the elephant's wrecking the room and trumpeting so loudly. Mommy! He'll stomp over me, he'll turn me into a flat pancake! I don't want to turn into a pancake as much as I love eating honey pancakes!"

And then the mother will shush her child into obedience and fibbery with all the confusion on his face.

If you get my point, great! That means I've improved on vocalizing (or in this context, typing) my thoughts. But anyway, that's not the crux, I digress.

So!

I placed my foot down today.
I, want to make a difference.

I can waste myself away and snicker at the inadequacy of the world (which, in my fantasies, prostrates upon my shiny toenails) or I can utilize this nearly deranged, trainwreck of what we call a human being to be of some service and worth to similar creatures who may or may not require intense care and help.

Putting my incessant rambles in a nutshell, the new club I want to create will cater to students with disorders, students stowed away in shadows and drapes of surrealism because, of course not, we can't expect normal creatures to comprehend why we're the way we are with a swish of our hands. This thing called Life allows for no such logic.

Acting the saviour is not my intent. I am no saviour, and neither am I in the position to "save" anyone as is anyone qualified to "save" me. There're no rescuing or eruptions of mirthful sobs, only messy clashes of emotions kept at bay a lifetime too long and, I fully hope this is within my power, a simple place to belong.

It's my selfish desire to keep myself motivated by providing a shelter I can never take back. It's my selfish desire to learn the concept of "give and take". It's my selfish desire of diving deeper, scavenging for my non-existent purpose.

I may not care about others, but my conviction remains; it's inhumane for whoever breathed the souls into our containers to mess with our genes and expect us to stumble across a Pandora's box in our lifespan.

Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't.
What happens to those who don't?

They wriggle their way out and even when they're no longer warm and blowing pretty patterns on the frozen window pane, they're labelled as cowards who've caused injustice to themselves.

...but, big words aside, I need to find 30 members or this'll never sprout the wings to fly with. Back to reality I'm thrown, oh, three tests tomorrow and my back aches again and my project's not done and

MY ICE.

EYES.

I'll get me some sleep, that sounds good, oh, it'll be good.

2012-01-28T20:11:00.004+08:00

To Anonymous who left a message on my obsolete Formspring:

Thank you, whoever you are.
Truly, I need nothing more than to be understood.

But perhaps that's out of my control because unfortunately, schizoids are rarely ever understood by majority of the "normal" population because our mindsets are more than two galaxies and one universe apart. Trying to explain ourselves is as effective as talking to a brick wall.

I do not mean to put down any goodwill you may possess; I've received each and every 34 words and it makes me smile, but my smile is so hollow, I begin to wonder why I'm smiling at all. You're an anonymous entity and my happiness should not matter to you. So I drop the false act because the truth is, I've never felt "happiness" ever since I was self-diagnosed with my other disorders a few years back. (Which in hindsight, is when I turned into a schizoid as well.)

It's an empty void. Others may expect it's all too easy to "open up". It is not. Or, I'd rather not. Saving my breath, time and saliva is a smarter option.

But again, I thank you, Anonymous.
For taking the time to type out 34 words to someone who doesn't matter.

On with today's post.

So in what I believe was rash impulse, I let loose the darkest skeleton in my closet. Sure, I can delete those posts anytime I want. I can do it to save myself the headache of pondering over whether others think I'm trying to hog some attention to myself. I can, but I don't. I'll not deny myself of myself any longer. What's the point in life if I can't let myself be who I am?

At this point in time, I'm emotionally blunted to the extent I can't feel anything distinct other than dull pulses of what-if and could-be feelings. My mouth can spew anything (I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm disappointed, I'm nervous), but the fact remains; I can't feel a fraction of what I'm saying.

My mom told me the other day, "You're great, you know that? You always think you spend too much when you spend too little!" I cracked a smile, waved my hand in a dismissive notion and remarked, "Even so, I spend too much. I shouldn't have bought that CD; $40 is plain extortion."

I do feel guilty. In my mind, that is, where my brain tells me I'm supposed to feel guilty for using my mom's hard-earned money because all I do is laze at home and put myself to waste.

My body? Not so much. There're no telltale aches whatsoever.
My emotions are pretty much gone. Nothing but faint tugs.

After some researching (as in, scouring the internet all over), it turns out I've been a secret schizoid. I adhere to others for appearance's sake. Ironic, because it seems I gave that up when I found out SPD is what had me backing away from delving into interpersonal relationships. (But hey, who's to say this is permanent. I may very well turn back into a secret schizoid the next day because I'm whimsical like that.)

Remember the tale of "waking up from the wrong side of bed for several days" the previous week? That was an utter lie because I didn't know (or heard of) SPD at that time, and therefore had absolutely no idea what was happening to me.

The story: I broke my friend's thumbdrive, which incidentally held the only version of our semester-long project module. She lost all the work she'd ever done.

I was wrought with something indescribable. Inconveniencing others, or being inconvenienced, was something I avoided like the plague. You stay out of my life and I'll stay out of yours. That was my philosophy, and it was broken into three.

I apologized in earnest because I didn't know what to do. I didn't feel the least bit guilty, just a tad annoyed because who saves the only version of an important project in a thumbdrive without the original file existing on their laptops? I continued to apologize because that's where guilt would lead "normal" people.

And "normal" people, as I see it, don't care much either. After they're done with their apologies, they think damage control has been executed and they get their happy arses back to whatever they were doing. I continued to apologise in earnest, I couldn't concentrate on my work. The only thought in my mind: Run away.

So I hid in the cubicle for a good 15 minutes until the lesson ended. And then I hid in my room for several days because the aspect of dealing with something so foreign was beyond my capacity.

It's not my friend I cared about per se (schizoids have emotions; just that we can't really feel them). It's more of her hard work that's flown into outer space. I made a connection by acting as the bridge between her and her hard work, and it unnerved me to the point I was crying the very same night I returned home, despite being unable to experience the heartache that came with tears.

Those few days made me think, there and then, that I didn't want to have anything to do with humans. Keep the exposure to a bare minimum and I'll lead my life in serenity. I wasn't aware there's a disorder for my personality, so I labelled myself as a coward who ran away. And perhaps that's exactly how others perceive me to be.

But really, what does it matter now that I've gotten the answer I've always sought? Schizoids will never truly be understood; that explains my attraction to Naru. He's perfect. An ideal portrayal of moral values and selfless acts, one that does not require interaction to forge a bond with. One that goes according to whatever plan or schedule or play in my little mind, where I'll always be in control.

And, quite frankly, sometimes I can't bring myself to care.
You can recount your life story for all you want: it's banal to me.

I've always wondered why I didn't care, why I wasn't interested in trite conversations, why I can't feel anything anymore. Now I can step back and plop myself down with this satisfactory view of the confusing life I've led.

If you want the truth: almost everyone around me is a moron. I say this without spite, without venom, without mockery. I've never expressed this view simply because it was abnormal for anyone to feel this way, and I'm bound to be judged for such a statement even with my lack of emotions about the issue.

Okay, they're morons. But I don't look down on them, I just glance at them, envisioning them to be extraterrestrial beings because I can't quite understand them. It goes both ways because, as I've stressed, they don't understand me either. It's not about giving a chance to understand and be understood. We live in different dimensions, that's all it boils down to.

While this is where any helpful beings (kudos to you, Anonymous!) start shaking and drooping their heads in genuine sympathy, perhaps exhausted from offering support when the individual in question seems to be thriving on denial, I can refute this action right back at you.

You can't exactly offer help or support when I'm not suffering in the first place. I appreciate my provoking thoughts because they pump my blood through my veins and provide the grounds for the insanity in me, which calls forth my creativity and productivity in return.

(But, well, this is only for SPD. Not so much for my other disorders, which I can safely verify I'm suffering from.)

I've this skewed, dried perception through my lenses that you can grasp at straws for. It's fun, it's gory, it's sugar candy and bitter snaps. I'm not letting anyone unworthy in. SPD is a gem in itself, though it can be insufferable at times.

It's uncanny, I feel so liberated. A thousand cranes are flying.

Dear Mom,
I'm sorry I'm your daughter and I'm sorry for the sadness shining in your big, big eyes if or when you're ever made aware that I'm not proud of being your daughter because I can only bring you hurt, pain and misery in this lifespan on this peculiar globe populated with creatures I do not and will never understand. I'm sorry for you that I have 3 severe and 2 mild disorders. I'm sorry others will hold a bad impression of you for raising a psychotic eldest son and semi-psychotic youngest daughter. I'm sorry. You're probably the only human being to whom my apologies will hold any semblance of purpose or meaning. I'm bullshitting the rest with apologies that matter as much as cow dung. Please know that I really love you, although I can't feel it in any cell of my body. Please know that I'm worried, although my expression is dull and my heart beats at a normal rate, unaffected, whenever you speak of your illnesses. You'll live long, so stop spouting nonsense.

Naru's beautiful today. I'll pucker my lips and give him a kiss if I could.

2012-01-26T23:03:00.005+08:00

My cup broke.

The yellow man with the funny glasses and awkward smile on one end.
Business tie and suit and my routine of steaming morning milo.

I didn't see him off.

I'm not the one who broke him, I don't know how badly off he is. All I know is of how grumpy I'll be all day because tomorrow morning will descend with or without him. It's a special relationship. He's gone, my mom threw him away.

It's supposed to be startling when there's this lump forming, forcing (tearing) emotions, beckoning them with a fiery roar. All over something that's not alive (again). It isn't, but unfortunately, rationality doesn't apply because my cup just broke. My heart's all wrenched, damn it.

Half a step forward and back we tumble twenty steps.
I don't want a new relationship, that can wait till I migrate.

I'm still here in this godforsaken country, so why did you leave me first?
Things aren't working out. It's too easy to back down, away, up and over.

You're telling me to start off the worst, most abominable period of every unthinkable day henceforth without you. Mornings are dreadful, frightening, steals bits and pieces of my soul. You knew, you left all the same.

Forget it, I'll take this as my cue.

"I've had enough," is not enough.
I'll take things up a notch. I'll show you.

Adding oil to the fire will never be more fun.

2012-01-26T02:11:00.003+08:00

Naruto makes everything spin the right way.

It's a tad too late for screenshots of the latest episode for I've an early morning tomorrow and I don't have enough coherency left for a proper review, anyway. All I want to know is, is it possible to get drunken and giddy on unadulterated joy?

I've been singing my lungs out ("All the young 'uns said, we're too young to die"), reading till my eyes hurt (NaruSasu / SasuNaru / cat!SasuNaru, whatever floats your boat) and basically, it's been a very Naruto day.

Guilty?

Yes.

Why yes, that I am. It's Candle Sho's birthday today. (It's already over, though.) Speaking of which, I've been seriously lagging in the Arashi fandom. My life the past few weeks has been utterly random. Y'knw, with the MU fiasco and "Oh-em-gee I didn't sign up for this" and all.

I've this feeling recoiling, icy cold, that I can't (and probably never will) gather enough motivation to start things on my own, stir up a tempest etcetera. I'm simply never good enough for myself.

What I think is fickle as a light bulb, what I do is never the best course of action I can take in the given situation and what I speak is nothing but a ton of eloquent garbage. The only thing I can value are my words, eternity in itself.

That's probably why I like hiding behind my screen, why I detest social interaction in general. My actions, the way I carry myself in front of others; I'm an inconsiderate prick.

Now, I know I've vowed never to belittle myself for the sake of preserving what little sanity I've left, but it is the blatant truth. I'm dirt scum, grabbing for gold. I don't know what keeps people talking (to be honest, I don't see the point in talking "just to pass time" because I'm more concerned about replenishing my already low water supply and my non-existent tolerance for liquid intake) unless it's about a heated topic of common interest or debate of some kind (please cease your haughty views on Naruto and Sasuke, because their bond is more than what you or I will ever experience in this lifetime or maybe nine times over).

So, what do I do?

It's pretty rude to be ignoring others when they're trying to act like the civilized people we all (deceive ourselves) are. By that I mean, striking up useless banter. Noise pollution. Unsightly butchering of the English language.

I do prefer not being talked to at all.
So, I come off as anti-social. Prideful creature.

And though I can (and will) never deny the latter, my brother stroke a chord within me during our late night conversation the other day. Unless I'm self-sufficient and brainy enough to tough it out (climb my way to CEO, set up my own business), I'll need connections to survive in this world.

It's, in a word, disconcerting.

It doesn't help that I'm strangely suspicious I'm suffering from SPD (which is what my angsty self had been moaning about in the previous post). Oh hail the list of disorders! It'll never halt its growth at this rate.

Sigh, I don't know, I'm exhausted.

Acting like everything's all right in order not to worry others is one thing, but to keep up for appearance's sake? There's no drive to fuel this paperthin pretense.

No one, aside from close ones, have any idea it's my shell they're dealing with. It pleases me in a sick kind of way, though I'm sure everyone has a few skeletons in their closets.

But now, I honestly don't want to care about opinions anymore.

"Won't they think I'm being clingy?"
"What if they think I'm seeking attention in the 'Look at me!' manner?"
"Am I boring them?"
"I'm a deadweight, aren't I."
"I'm causing this awkward atmopshere."
"I know you don't like me. I'm dying to tear myself away to save you all."
"Well, I'm sorry I'm even here at all."
"It's tough dealing with me. Sucks to be you."

(And somewhere along the line they morph into statements! Not even rhetorical questions, but solid statements. I love you, insecurity. I really do.)

These are just...a fraction of my thoughts.
And they're the mildest of the bunch.

Some deep-rooted thoughts, the type that's supposed to make you think "Oh shit, I'm crossing the line to uncharted territory," supposed to make you tremble for even thinking such atrocities... They're what make me. I'm not terrified of them. It's calming to have them by my side.

For the longest of time I'd been ashamed of my disorders. I don't blame them, I don't blame me for bumping into them, but y'knw how society goes about with its "Out with the freaks, the queers, the weirdoes!"? I loathe being singled out. I want to blend into the background, a nondescript face, unrecognizable and safe within the confines of synonymity.

But I guess, it doesn't matter anymore.

The list just keeps growing, I doubt I'll keep this facade up much longer.
It's funny how fake human kindness can get when it used to be so pure.

Like others are going to judge someone for not catering to the emo kid (so pitiful, no friends, no one to talk to) when in reality, nobody really cares at all. And for the record I see nothing but red (crimson, vermillion, somebody's on a roadtrip to hell) whenever someone remarks, "Why so emo? Smile!"

The negative connotations associated with "emo" in our tiny dot of our country is something I do not see eye to eye with. If my disorders are anything to go by, I'm anything but a blessed kid who spends all day moping and acting unhappy because there's nothing to be unhappy about. That's twisted logic for you.

Okay, so yes, I'm blessed with the best (pardon the f bomb) fucking family and was raised in a loving environment, but from what I've read from books and the internet, apparently disorders can settle and wriggle their way into your lives without warning or reason.

I'm fighting every day, I've nerve-wracking mood swings for a reason and I endure whispers and laughter with nothing but gritted teeth and clenched fists. I say it hurts, but in this era where emo kids are ever prevalent, it's difficult to be taken seriously.

It really, really hurts, like there's a gaping hole in my chest that'll never close up.

Tell me, what am I supposed to do?

If it's every man for himself, obviously I'm not going to care that I'll inconvenience others by not acting chirpy and/or having a few screws loose by playing around like an idiot. It's about the only way I know how to live my social life.

(And here I think, I shouldn't care about others. But somehow, I can't just inconvenience others. One side argues my upbringing was fantastic, mom did an awesome job of drilling manners into her little girl. The other side is nonchalant, scoffs, even. "You're doing this for materialistic purposes. It's how the world rolls, so you go along with it.")

I want to cry on Naru's shoulders so badly, you don't even know.
Squeeze him so bad, have him pet my head, place soothing circles around my back.

God, how can I fall harder in love with an animated character than a member of a Japanese boy band? Because an inanimate character is truly universal when pitted against a celebrity? This is madness.

I love you, Naru.
I'll whisper into my pillow every night.

2012-01-21T23:23:00.005+08:00

I didn't sign up for this.

Why is there a ticking landmine lying in wait with every corner I turn?
Now I've been made aware of the reasons I never thought had existed.

That this thing could be explained.

That it ain't arbitrary thoughts painting my inner workings a bloody red with suicide every day. That there's a logical pattern behind every action, that I'm more than queer inside out.

My head hurts.

I think my bro caught me as I wiped off remnants of tear streaks. We chatted till 5 in the morning last night, that's probably why my head hurts and my mind seems to be dying just that bit faster today.

What a horrible conclusion. What a befitting summary.
So, was it all erroneous in the end? Sugarcoated untruths?

I don't want, nor need to type that I'm basically a living lie because it's reverberating from the depths of my soul. And yet I want to make a difference.

And yet I find solace in that I'm idiosyncratic, or just raging mad.

And I turn a blind eye that without all this crap,
I'd have succeeded, achieved my childhood ambition.

But it's nerve-wracking.

I don't know, will never know, if this is what's fuelling what I mark as moments of insanity that bring me epiphanies upon epiphanies, like my dirty little secret except it's not really dirty at all.

If it happens to be,
then wouldn't I be lost once it's gone?

It's me, it's all that embodies me and my excuse of a barely-there existence.
(There's this little sadistic voice that enjoys all this sickening drama.)

Y'knw how love and hate are conflicting emotions and couldn't quite possibly exist in the same universe in the exact same time verse? They're carbon copies, they go hand in hand and complement each other to a disgusting degree in this foreign land I'm running on.

Rampage.

I'm about to embark on an epic rampage.
Beyond beyond beyond beyond

So far off you can't catch a wisp of hair.

You taunt, "It wasn't them, it was you all along."
I fall to my knees and throw gravel upon your face.

Naru?

I need you to reign me in.
Listen to my wants, my needs.

Exist, obey, laugh for me.
Solely for me. Me me me.

It's the only way this'll ever work.
The one solution with encompassing arms.

Where are you? Where the hell are you?
Don't do this, everything's distorted.

My head's pounding and you're not here.
My eyes are bloodshot and you're not here.

My veins are pulsing, and I don't feel you anywhere.
You're life, I need to breath life, I'm wilting.

All hunched over, an insignificant ball.

Disappears with a pop.
And pop it goes.

You're still not here.
I'm still insignificant.

I'm sorry I lied, it never went pop.

Ubiquitous, I'm turning ubiquitous, my atoms are dispersing, through the oxygen and carbon dioxide and nitrogen and unrelated gases that make up a ridiculously low percentage that shouldn't matter (but somehow it does, why?) and I've never been here.

Just like you.

Just like you, Naru.
We're worlds apart.

But, I've never been here just like you.

2012-01-20T02:26:00.002+08:00

Professional, that I feel, typing away on my laptop into the endless, muted drones of the chilly night air with maddeningly delightful music blaring softly by my side.

Only at two (and a half) in the morning does the air taste so good.
Re-watching the Zabuza arc did return my motivation (tenfold at that).

Business model for Entrepreneur's done and over, crossword puzzle (in a sad attempt for some eleventh hour cramming) for Economics has been completed, not without a few giggles and plunnies plowing through my brain.

(Idk, "angel fund"? Kind of hackneyed, and definitely not a story to let up. Also, Sasuke explaining the workings of penetration pricing, market skimming, loss leader etc? Or even bull and bear stock market? Naru'd love that. I love me a Naru who loves that.

...hoe dear, closet pervert warning bells!)

Oh, btw, I realised one of the questions was taken directly from "Economics for Dummies" when I last searched (five minutes ago) on my best friend. /guffaw

Right, so originally, I'd wanted to post (and rant, hell yeah) on the awesome that is the Zabuza arc. Unfortunately, there're only several hours left before I've the honors to remove my ass from my office chair and hurl said ass into the dark abyss of the outside world, to the pending doom that is school. My revision for Economics ain't nearly done. Don't get me started on C Maths.

Aye, procrastination's biting me with such bitterness.

I'm thinking of The Prop I've yet to finish and it's due in one month's time.
Excited is the understatement of the century, I'm plenty exhilarated for the event.

I can't wait to dump Year 1 behind me and delve into my holidays without a care.
...my shoulders are aching right now, is that a premonition of things to come?

Since there's much (much, much, much) to work on for my Java project... (And I just started a few days ago. I mean it. As in, click on the Eclipse logo and drag the JFrame and all. What happened during my holidays? I want to know too.)

It's 3 now, I can do anything with these melodies and the empty streets floors beneath my feet. It's unsettling when morning blows a bleary kiss and reality bares its fang with a lust-filled grin. Until then, I'm a hero- dattebayo!

But do heroes suffer from backaches?
They do, right? They're heroes, not superheroes.

I swear my backache's killing me. Bro says I hunch over too much, just like my mom and grandmother. Genes, 'aight? Like grandmother, like mother, like Kyasha.

These past few days I stayed at home on a whim because I woke up on the wrong side of my bed one Tuesday and hadn't gotten on the right side since. Not that there're lessons today (yesterday?) anyway. But you get my gist.

Maybe I'll remain on the wrong side tomorrow (today?). Do I, y'knw, listen to my emotions (and all that crap, I'd have used to type, but then I'll be breaking a promise to myself) and seek solace in retreating from the big, scary Unknown?

Yeah, who am I kidding, I've two major tests I can't afford to miss.
Why does my score have to matter so much, why?

Maybe it's just me-

No, it's just me, it's just me, but I believe there are better beings on the other side of the globe who are willing to accept this selfish little creature. My desire to travel overseas and stay in a boarding university is not half-assed at the moment.

I've given it thought (it's not just fun and fun, half the time it's trouble, troublesome, fun) and taking my personality into account, I've some dependency issues to work on but otherwise, I believe this is the infamous rebellious period I'd so pompously declared I was safe from the clutches of.

(I love my family so much, what do you mean "It's the same for every teen?")

It's, my heart's cracking because I seem to treat strangers better than I treat my own kin. They've been there, been there before I even breathed and are basically the reality that tiptoes to pull me back when I drift aimlessly into the sky.

Is that why I need to get away?
For once in my 17 years?

The point is, I need to get away now.

I'm not saying I can't wait, but the moment calls for such.
Any longer, I'll pop. My helium's running out, I can't fly anymore.

Hurtling myself into a nondescript crowd has never sounded more delectable.
(Quite honestly, I don't know if I can bear two more years in this godforsaken environment.)

My youth is passing me by, damn it.

Argh.

I'll get back to Economics.
(It's pretty interesting despite everything.)

Night, love.
It's been nice chatting with you.

2012-01-17T22:16:00.003+08:00

Delete and away it goes!

How simple is it?
How much simpler can it be?

Unfortunately, RL doesn't work like Twitter.
RL doesn't work like fanfictions, either.

I get it, yeah?

Why am I expecting adoration if I've already deemed myself unworthy of such?
Why do I pull the humble crap for pleasantries when I'm much dirtier than that?

Why do I admire things, people, situations so easily within reach?
Why is this craving insatiable? Why are my emotions so hideous?

Why, why, why, sing to me

I've craved attention ever since I could discern that quiet air of pride that trickled from my every pore. I was cherished for something I exceled in. An accomplishment, so to say. It could mean nothing to me but the accomplishment has never truly mattered. It's the outcome, always the outcome.

But now as I face my mid-(teenager)-life crisis, I find myself wondering: has this been necessary from the start? My chest swells with every realization that I'm as proud as a lion, maybe sinfully more, because it feels good to have pride screwing me upside down. That's not the crux.

Am I doing this for others? For myself?
"I'm sorry. I'm truly sorry. I'm fucking sorry."

Am I saying this for myself? Quell the scathing regret?
(Then I wonder again if it's even needed. Perhaps not.)

Today, I shall be honest and brutal.

And it's not just for today.
I should rephrase, huh?

Starting from today, I shall be honest and brutal.

Naru and Arashi and fanfictions and family and stuff toys and music and my PSP.
Not sometimes, not maybe. They always seem more significant than anything else.

No more hesitance. No more maybe or what if or if only.
We have one life. We live as we see fit. We're Kings of our worlds.

No more profanity-abusing. No more self-loathing.
There's quite possibly nobody who could love me more than myself.

No one else who knows all my quirks and downsides and brilliance and mood swings.

No more imitating, no more (forced) changing, no more "I don't want to be myself".
I'm the best there can be. My jealousy, envy, wrath; I'll accept and nurture them.

Yesterday,

I came to understand the full nature of thrusting oneself into relations. It means you give and take, forgive and forget, make an effort and revel in said attempts. Most importantly, you truly care about the others around you.

Sorry but, I'm the most narcisstic creature there is.
Not in mockery, or sarcasm. Just a simple, plain fact.

I don't "give and take", there is no exchange because nobody is ever worthy of my "give" and nobody ever produces a worthy "take". I can "forgive" but hell can freeze over and I'll never "forget". And, effort? Why waste time and energy on such crap for undeserving people?

My mom spent hours preaching how it wasn't the people in our environment that need to change, it's us ourselves that should accept the fact not everyone is how we'd like them to be.

I agreed mutedly, up till this point.

I'm childish, and the people in my environment are the same, if not worse. But I find myself striving for something better while drowning in their nonsense. I berated myself before for this line of thought, but why am I even berating myself?

Because by social norms, I'm horrible for having such thoughts?
And by no means do I want to turn out all horrible and mean?

Whatever it is, it's there. I'm not going to deny my own thoughts.
That's ludicrous, like denying myself of my existence.

If I'm horrible and mean, so be it.
I live by my own brand of justice.

I'm not abusing a kitten to its death.
I'm nice enough as far as I'm concerned.

I was torn between sounding dignified and typing the truth, which sound like mere excuses.

But, yeah.

I don't care if they sound like excuses because in actual fact, all that matters is I've gotten them off my chest and I know they'll hold true till the Earth stops revolving.

That's all that should really matter, isn't it?

And since this just popped into my mind, I shall touch on something completely unrelated: to all the hipsters out there, it's disgusting when you declare "I think I'm a les/gay/bi" on a whim. It makes me want to throw bile all over your faces.

I used to think my friends (two of them) were serious until I quickly arrived at the bitter realization ("Fooling around. Do you really fool with such things?") that they were bored and wanted something for a change in their mundane lives. So they unwittingly uttered, "I found that girl pretty hot. Maybe I'm into girls."

"I found that girl pretty hot," sits absolutely fine with me. Who doesn't enjoy eyecandy, disregarding gender of said eyecandy? Not so much the second sentence. The "maybe" irks me even more.

What?
Really, what?

I'm straight and I found that sentence offending as hell. I was only mildly surprised to find distaste forming in my throat, for having taken them seriously at all. (Though I'll never regret, because you never know who is serious and who is not unless you discover for yourself.)

Sigh.

I'm out of fuel.

Project needs to be checked tomorrow.
I haven't even started.

Young 'uns, we're too young to die
Shall rant another time, another day.

Byebye, thirteenth moon.

2012-01-13T21:59:00.002+08:00

Shallow.

So shallow, it's disgusting.
Just for now, I'll believe.

It's all right to be selfish if that's what it means to pursue happiness.
There's no right or wrong, black or white. I live, for myself.

What's the point in being the ideal human, covered with intricate layers of deception?

Reach out for liberty
I am me. I define me.

Can't lose myself now.
Rise, shine, dance

2012-01-10T23:14:00.003+08:00

It's time, young 'uns.

Mighty high time to rise.
For better or for worse.

It doesn't matter.

Pretense is tough to tear down.
But down it goes by all means.

'Cause, there's no point in dragging this farce.
We're all tired, why can't we be honest hmm?

Our dreams are taking flight, our souls are in for the ride.
True friends shine through. I found a most precious gem today.

Burn, stampede, holler like the banshee we are.
Hehe. Trickling from my hands, this phantasmagoria.

Tiptoe! Let's cease this.
Get all down and dirty and real.

This pseudo-grand performance will have to end by the thirteenth hour.

2012-01-07T13:48:00.003+08:00

Sadist.

I'm a total sadist.
How ironic, really.

Longing for things far beyond my reach, blatantly ignoring things right by my side.

Schmuck.
It's the eve of the final day of liberty.

I went ahead and loaded some Naruto games for my PSP.
~~Maybe~~ I'm just looking for excuses to escape my workload.

For the nth time,
I'm not hardworking.

I merely work my ass off because I've nothing else to do.
School is boring. School is always boring. Campus is banal.

But,
I'm the most trite creature there can be.

Everything's artless.

Procrastination's my BFF.
What can I do? ~~I can do a lot of things.~~

Naruto surrounds me at home.
To the point I wish he exists.

It's unexplanable.
Not that I want to, anyway.

Misunderstandings occur all the time.
I love being misunderstood.

Being blamed, being adored, being treasured for who I'm not.
So go ahead, "Kyasha is a geek. Can't differentiate the realms."

Stokes my ego, y'knw.

I say to myself, it's neither a puppy crush nor a passing infatuation.
It resonates too deeply within me that it aches with every pulsating beat.

I'd like to believe so.

After all,
entrusting one's heart to a non-existent character
ensures eternal bliss, does it not?

But Naruto's still non-existent.
That's what pierces through.

I'm at the edge of the cliff.
Ready to fall, any time now.

My heart, Naru.
Hold on tight.

2012-01-02T15:42:00.005+08:00

An epiphany.

It struck me and I saw white and droplets fell from brimming orbs.
You're my favourite, you're everything in these sandy waterfalls.

Let's go.
This journey.

Let's go where no one has ever been.
And paint a tale of epic proportions.

Until this heart stops beating and time freezes over.

Your kids will laugh, catching fluttering butterflies.
Your parents will sigh, senectitude evitable in crinkles.

It's quite impossible to stop, even pause.
We will journey to a land far beyond.

Without names, without identities.
I'll tug on your hands and you'll widen your eyes.

Let's go, let's go, let us go.
We will soar and they'll bless us.

The sweetest sigh by my ears and off we leap.
Off our journey we embark, and step forward.

Not half, not one, not two.
Three bold, sauntering steps.

You're as pretty as a dandelion.
Nothing's gonna bind us down.

Not anymore, if you're willing to put your faith out there.
For me to trample, then pick up, torn and tattered.

Craddling close to my lips,
let's believe.

We're as free as can be.
We'll be as unruly as can be.

And then
we'll be light as air
your halcyon wings will spread

"The little specks, we'll leave behind.
See the mountains, the nameless land ahead.
Close your eyes, in merriment, in aberrance."

You blinded me because I stole your faith.
But let us go, anyway. Anywhere, an eternity.

We're selfish creatures
Mismatched as can be

But I'll be there
Catching you as your wings break off
Delirious, you cry, I scream

It's far from over.
Let's -laughter- start afresh.

2011-12-31T14:50:00.003+08:00

Save me. Help me. Rescue me. Get me out.

Writhing, torturous, I wanna puke, I wanna cry.
This guardian angel in disguise sends chills down my spine.

Conglomeration, mishmash.
What a hot mess, an utter hodgepodge.

Spinning, twirls.
The bile, I throw up.

Nauseous. Shivers.
I want you by my side.

Delusional fool.
Irrational dumbass.

Lost.
All is lost. On me. On whatever.

Can you tell me what's supposed to matter now?
No shoulder to cry on, no ears to scream towards.

Blast.
Poof.

Whoa whoa yeah yeah.
Hear me out, I'll prostrate.

Makes no difference if nothing makes sense.
Logic kept you on your toes, kept me away.

Yells barely there.
Whispers blaring.

It's chilling.
To be who I am.

To have drops streaming without ever knowing why.
Restrained, unrestrained, trite trivalities. Banal.

Bane of my existence.
Seventeen. Schmuck.

Broken like a rag doll.
Hug me tight. Say it's all right.

No don't.
I bite.

I'll tear off your arms.
I'll rip off your soul.

I want to paint a story that'll shatter everything.
Splinters, shards, tints, shades, plethora of rainbows.

Wham. Bam.
Hisses of fear.

Shutter clicks, jumps of fits.
It's time we cease our shenanigans.

2011-12-30T02:59:00.003+08:00

Inspiration strikes alongside its faithful companion.

This little thing called "dilemma", because it's 3 in the morning and I'm half-convinced inspiration will slip from my grasp as the night trickles by if I ever dare consider attempting the atrocity named "sleeping".

Such is life. Such is bliss.
I've just realised, I'm blessed.

I've always known I'm blessed, but I've only just realised how blessed I am.
Really, a dilemma consisting of writing or sleeping. What kind of dilemma is that?

Weary.

Fatigue is catching up, I can't seem to type what I meant to get across.
Maybe I'll update you later in the day, later in the week, later on the way.

Night.
Sweet dreams.

Hang on tight.

2011-12-28T20:29:00.000+08:00

Aptitude, vocabulary and all that shiat does not matter when you come down to it.

Writing, admittedly, gives a more colorful and extensive portrayal when the author drops bombastic bombs but that in itself doesn't create a story that etches its footprints deep within the reader's heart. I've read enough stories to know.

A shallow story, no matter the seemingly frabjous terms, remains shallow.
A deep and fulfilling story on the other hand hits you in all the right spots.

The dialogue, neither rich nor complex.
The action, hardly even making itself known.

The atmopshere, so quaint, clutches at your heartstrings.
In fact, the most fulfilling stories often use radical terms.

There's no word you need to check in the dictionary, no awkward fumbling as your mind processes the sentences your eyes rake in and it leaves you satisfied as an after shower. You feel the action despite the absolute lack of such because the dialogue packs just that sheer amount of punch. You feel it isn't a desperately made plot because there is no plot, only a real-life conversation that sends you into springtime.

Too many words, innumerous combinations.
That's how the stories are born, and breathe.

I'm envious, damn it.
So envious.

'Cause that just means I'll never be as good at writing.
Unless I get out there and mingle and get to know life.

Those who truly know life, they write the best stories there can be.

No matter how many words I learn, how I sharpen my grammar, I'm merely pitting myself against an impeccable wall of futilty. It hurts, because I firmly believe this is the only niche I have that I'll throw myself so wholeheartedly into. It hurts.

God, it really hurts.

2011-12-27T22:11:00.000+08:00

Maybe if one day, I cease to be everything I can't will liberty truly settle.

Maybe this aching will dull and maybe happiness will be easier to catch.
Maybe everything I've been blinded to will rush me by and flood my senses, tingling.

Maybe I'll find it's not that difficult, not that frightening, not the Armageddon I've been expecting to mature into a better me, to face whatever everyone faces, to admit I've never been who I thought I was.

Maybe I'll be accepted with open arms.
Maybe the tears will finally leak of joy.

Maybe my self-conceit has taken me too far when brethrens have been right alongside.
Maybe, just for once, it's neither selfish nor fallacious to strive for me, myself.

Maybe it's a sin to have ignored what my soul has been throwing through the non-existent window.

Maybe it's all right to be confused and lost on the dwindling path of life.
Maybe it's all right to laugh out loud like a dumbass, a fool of the absolute kind.

And maybe it's time to reach out and kick up a riotous storm.

2011-12-25T21:58:00.002+08:00

Hell, I can't seem to keep myself focused for one full day.
I lose interest at the speed of light. Okay, exaggeration.

But you get the gist.

I was so giddy with joy over this inexplicably well-written NaruSasu fanfiction that delved so deeply into emotions with such simple terms, I was engrossed and obsessed and entranced and then it's gone altogether.

I've so many things I want to express, like that sparkle peeking out from under the dark folds of the night and I imagine it's an UFO when in reality we know all too well it's a damned kite with LED bulbs or that I hate starting sentences with "I" because it's trite and repetitive or how I want to incorporate as many beautiful nouns, adjectives, verbs or adverbs into my language because I find it oh-so-beautiful. Repetitive I tend to be, did I mention that?

That, and I find it horrifying how I'm growing up. Literally and figuratively.
Fast and speedy like a roadrunner, makes my head spin and whirl around and round.

My creativity...is being sapped up and I don't like that, not in the least bit.

2011-12-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

And I dedicate all my rabu to Naruto. ♥

How is it that the guys of Naruto capture my heart so?
Oh, I'm so madly, blindly in love and I'm not even joking.

Naru's my ichiban, of course, but Rock Lee is so, so...

Asdfghjkl you have my heart Lee.
Opinions be damned, you're suave.

(If someone like Lee ever exists in RL, I'll glomp and pursue him till the ends of Earth even though I'm well aware it's one hopeless love because he wouldn't fall for someone like me.)

And then we have this lazy ass here.

(InoShika fans, are you on red alert?
Read the damned caption, read it!)

His ability to mutter so many "Troublesome" in one episode is astounding.
That, and I love how he breaks the stereotypical anime guy with his calmness.

He isn't provoked when you call him a coward (heck he doesn't mind acting like one should the situation call for such), he doesn't care if you throw insults at him and he couldn't care less about being #1 (or anything other than sleeping for that matter).

Truly lovable. ♥
Aaaaaaand...

Now that I'm re-watching the Chuunin arc of Naruto, I realised Neji is not as gentle and considerate, nor is Tenten that ignorant towards other guys as I've depicted them to be. Really, I suspect too much Shippuuden messed with my mind.

(But just as well, that gives me more room should I pen other NejiTen fanfictions in the future. I still can't believe Tenten said Sasuke is cute. I mean, understandable, he is handsome from the 10 episodes or so I've re-watched till this point but it's incredulous because it's Tenten and she just remarked Sasuke is cute. Red alert. High alert.)

Okay, so maybe Naruto: Neji isn't on my list of "Homg these guys, I want to replicate my heart and hand one to each of them", but Shippuuden: Neji definitely is.

But sigh, Naruto was- Naruto is good. Better than Shippuuden in a sense.
All the fun and thrill and tension and adventure and zeal and passion.

~~To be perfectly honest, I miss Sasuke with Team 7.~~

But what can we do? Times change, people mature, and we move on. Don't give me bullshit like "It's an anime, what nonsense are you spouting?" if you happen to be thinking along this line because it's not just an anime. It's a story that encompasses the vibrancy of life and speaks of tales beyond our imagination. It's alive. No I'm not a weaboo and I do have a life, tyvm.

I don't get why it's wrong to idolise onscreen characters to some people.
So the characters are not breathing in our world, they're intangible.

So what? Is it that wrong to venerate characters with perfect moral values and personality traits from the bottom of our hearts? (And sometimes it's the way they mature that makes me fall that much harder in love with them.)

I do admit, it gets me away from RL. It unroots the feet I've planted so deeply on Earth. But I'm not using this to escape. I really- This is true love. (But I'm lucky they don't exist in RL all at once or I'll have to commit adultery.)

They're just so fucking gorgeously perfect, asdfghjkl, just have my heart(s) kay. ♥

2011-12-21T22:58:00.002+08:00

HOT DAMN.

Today's been cool, my nose ain't sniffing snot up like a desperate fool and I wrote a page worth of NejiTen but holy damn, 1, 2 or even 3, but 4's the breaking point. How the hell do 4 people pull out at the same time, pray tell?

Not doubting them, circumstances occur; more like I'm pissed with nature for allowing this coincidence to occur because I turned down a glamarous, free, bound-to-be-fantastic shopping trip with my crazy cousins for this outing and now 4 people pull out. The fun ain't over; I just called my cousin, guess what? Now she's not free tomorrow.

Jesus fucking christ, my luck will be my downfall one merry day.
And just to clarify, I'm fucking blaming nature, not the people per se.

Great damn, I want to bang my head against the wall.
This one's for using so many profanities in one post.

I despised people using "fuck" like they had all the authority in the world. Guess it's time for some good ol' self-loathe. Nothing hits home like self-loathe on a dastardly day as such. My mind is like a broken machine, printing "fuck" all over my vision.

I am pissed, damn you, what's your problem?
Don't be judgemental just because I cursed.

Oh yeah, FB is shitting up.
Page can't load, can't delete my post.

What post, am I tickling your idiotic curiosity?
The post asking people to verify their timing.

I'm ashamed. I want to yell. I want people to yell at me for screaming at 11:12 PM. Idk, I'm just ticked off okay? Everything's rubbing me the wrong way like I woke up on the wrong side of bed. Maybe I did, maybe I fucking did.

Nothing's wrong with the world, never been.
My eyes just can't see the beauty anymore.

2011-12-21T19:03:00.002+08:00

Hot damn, my arm's still aching after 2 days.

Wii is a formidable opponent. No, of course not, the other player (who happens to be my cousin) is never relevant. It's the Wii I'll always face and challenge, the Wii that's formidable and not my cousin who swung the controller like a madman (as did I, maybe crazier).

On that note, I think part of my brain has ceased to function. My creative juices, I can't feel them flowing through my body and goddamn I'm feeling lazy like a king. And then all this profanity comes spewing from my mouth/hands (take your pick). Honestly, I swear.

Responsibility, priorities, butter and flies!
I want to pen and dedicate a proper story. ):

NejiTen deserves no lesser than the best of my best.
SHAPE UP, KYASHA. Jesus fucking christ.

Legasp.

(I looked out and I pondered. The world is falling apart like Lego bricks. Where's the gorgeous, where's the breathtaking, where's the heart thumping? Today the fault lies herein.)

MY BRAIN. ISN'T. WORKING.

2011-12-17T21:33:00.002+08:00

Okay, wow.

So it's been 10 months since I last posted. I've been using Blogger.com here and there for my raw translations, but how I've missed you. Things change. What I didn't know was how much things could change within 10 months.

Maturity is a queer, queer creature. Whatever happened to my small caps and spaces before full-stops? They used to be my breakaway from reality. Now my sentences aren't perfect if they don't start with caps, laced with perfect punctuation.

I love writing, I still do. I didn't get into Mass Communication. But I posted about that, didn't I? Blogging, I typed fervently with a mad passion. Sieving through my olden posts from time to time.

It's nice to physically read my transitions into different stages of life. It's nice to know how I felt back then, how I felt yesterday, how I feel right now and how I'll feel in the future. Blogging, it connects bits and pieces of your life like a diary that'll serve you till you bid goodbye for an eternity.

I stopped all together, I was at a hectic point at the peak of my life (and I still am). All the adults, do they undergo this roller coaster ride before reaching the point they're at now?

I'm so frustrated, I could cry in anguish with hot tears streaming down my cheeks and punch anything my fist reaches till it's glistening blood red and yell for the world to hear that I'm emotionally wrecked and could do with a little pat or two.

But what, everyone's already acknowledged my accomplishments. What's left is turning trivalities into feats so I will finally be proud of myself. (What a prick, what a stuck-up snob, she's not satisfied with what she has and what she's accomplished thus far?)

It's never enough. I will never stop comparing. I will never think I'm amazing (now that's just narcissistic). The world is so breathtakingly beautiful, but I never seem to gasp in mild surprise. Everyone seems to take touch screen phones for granted, but I don't. I still think they're wonderful little gadgets (and how the hell does touch screen work, where the hell does technology want to take us?) and I'll forever be fascinated by their workings.

Am I trying to prove something?

Maybe.

(I wanted to get something across. I forgot what.)

English is one gorgeous, cruel creature. It took my heart and shattered the organ into three pieces. Just three. They're all pumping and screaming in utter pain. One reserved moment at least once every fortnight. "Why," they whisper in raspy, contorted voices, "Why so adamant?"

B-but, I'm not being adamant!

When did I ever deny my regret? I've openly expressed my remorse. My grades weren't good enough, my English isn't good enough either so I couldn't enter the course of my dreams. End of case.

I'm exceling in my current course, even. Do I take things for granted? I don't know, I'm going mental with all these internal debates I hold at this rate. Why must you be so enticing?

Oh, holy crap.

Infatuation was enough. You had to turn it into something more. It hurts, it's painful, it's aching. It's one beautiful heartache to be agonizing over you. This hole stretches down and down and down and down- You're not willing to let me escape from this bottomless pit. And I love you too much to care, even if you're tearing me to unrecognizable bits and shreds.

I, will never give up on you.

2011-02-02T15:35:00.001+08:00

& finally, my entire rm's looking zingy in orange . 8D

decorated my rm with a Nino poster . >w<

& an Angeling/Deviling cut-out .

my baby arrived the other day . ♥

stuffed toys ahoy !

sewed & decorated my indoor slippers for CNY . :D

mom's the one who suggested sewing our names on it .

& behold the (sheer) number of posters ahoy !
(i'm so ecstatic with my rm right now . <3)

& my Gaara's up !

am off to my granny's hse for CNY Eve .
mass update in store aft CNY is over .

ciao ! :D

2011-01-27T21:35:00.003+08:00

it's .. a new addition !

KYASHA's Arashi wonderland is proudly brought to you by the yellow-pink teddy bear couple .

Zero (with Shrek ears), a round pig, a corn, Pokémon, miniature Naruto characters & Spongebob ?
mre imptly, when the heck did the wall turn to orange when it's still pink in the first pic !?

.. hoho .

thiz's mai new study/comp desk ! 8D

with figurines

& trophies

for decoration !

:3

well, abt the confusing colours of my wall ..
nope, i didn't take these pics on diff days .

took all of these just a moment ago .
my rm's a tad bit weird right now .

it's left half-painted, so . xD
anyway, it's a fresh start .

so i chged my wallpaper as well !

am going to chg my blog layout as soon as Lotus is released .
all right, am off to chiong some One Piece eps . ciao . :D

P/S: Happy belated birthday, #doubleparka!
P/P/S: I got into information technology at Nanyang.

2011-01-19T10:55:00.002+08:00

here's the update on my furnitures (that arrived on Sunday) & hair extensions . :3

old cabinets .

red !

orange !

A no Arashi ! xD

DIY furniture pieces .

half-complete cabinet .

took my dad & i 5 hrs to complete .

new home for my Arashi stuff .

ta-da !

took only 3 hrs to fix the cupboard, but 5 hrs to decorate it . >w<

new (& colossal to boot) study/computer desk's coming in on Monday .
can't wait for my wardrobe at the end of February & voila ! finito .

with some orange paint, my rm will be looking as new as ever . xD
all right, am off to catch up on the updates i've missed . ciao !

2011-01-15T11:10:00.002+08:00

went to Jurong Point with ZJ last Saturday .
(aft visiting SP's and NP's open houses .)

& here's my hair before i went for a hair cut .

shall post the pic of my new hairstyle soon (with extensions) . :D
anyway, here's a few updates to keep my blog alive & pumping .

O'lvl results are out & i received 13 & 16 points for my L1R4 & L1B5 respectively .

there goes my Mass Communication at Ngee Ann .
applied for Information Technology instead .

wanted to apply at Ngee Ann, but my mom told me Nanyang's much btr .
(for IT-related courses, at least, & Nanyang's much closer anyway .)

yup, that's pretty much all that's going on in my life .
new furniture's coming in tmr, whoohoo ! can't wait . xD

am off to organise my files on my comp . ciao !

2011-01-06T22:51:00.001+08:00

went (window) shopping @ IKEA with my parents ytd . :D

my rm's finally cleared of its garbage / old toys .
my mom decided to buy some new furniture for me .

didn't buy anything in the end, though one wardrobe caught my interest .
currently out of stock & i'll hve to wait till the end of February for it . :/

went to Tampines 1 for dinner & met up with my bro (who ~~sneaked out of~~ came frm his army camp) .

tempted to buy this since i'm all for miniature stuff, but it's OOS as well . -_-;

planned to play @ the arcade aft dinner, but it's unbelievably tiny .
didn't bother playing since i alr played a little @ Northpoint's arcade .

we went to Natural Project instead & bought some clothes for both my bro & i .
(i've always wanted to buy a pair of bermuda shorts frm a men's clothing store .)

reached home ard 10pm . :D

i think i'm gradually getting sick of cooping myself at home .
thk goodness i'll get to go out for the nxt few days (@ least) .

there's my (last ! xD) appointment with my doc tmr, aft which i'll meet up with ZJ .
then, we're going shopping tgt with my granny & Lin on Saturday for mre clothes .

i've another appointment on Sunday, & finally, on Monday ..
geez, i'm btr off not imagining what my result'll be like .

am off to translate Shiyagare . ciao . (:

2011-01-04T20:56:00.002+08:00

HAPPY BELATED NEW YEAR ! :D

and i'm late in blogging agn .
anyway, 明けましておめでとう！

here's to a brilliant 2011 that lies ahead of me . :D
kay, so we attended a wedding lunch on Sunday .

went to shop @ ION Orchard with all my couzs aftwards .

we didn't buy these in the end . xD

bought a shirt @ PULL & BEAR (agn) .
kay, am off to translate . ciao ! (:

2010-12-26T14:39:00.002+08:00

MERRY BELATED X'MAS ! :D

& i'm bck to Blogger.com .
am going to revive my blog .

first off, i missed Oh-chan's & Aiba-chan's bdays . D:

was in Japan during Riida's bday & in Orchard for Aiba-chan's bday .
in any case, happy belated bdays to the adorkable Riida & Aibaka !

(although i did wish them on the day itself on my Twitter . xD)

i've quite an amt of events to blog abt, but i'm lazy .
so i'm not going to post abt my Japan trip or chalet .

but ta-da, this one's fresh frm the oven .
went to Orchard with ZJ on X'mas Eve . :D

we lazed ard her hse before we went ard 3pm .
walked & walked (& walked some mre) in Orchard .

went to *SCAPE to use my vouchers frm Haru House . (:
there just happened to be 2 hoodies that cost $50 each .

same designs, diff colors .

decided to buy those for ZJ & i to wear during CNY .
(cause my vouchers just happen to total up to $100 .)

went to Cineleisure aftwards for a few games in Timezone .
(ZJ: How many more games are you going to play? I'm starving.)

theeeen, we went to Cedele in Takashimaya aft browsing through the various food stores in the basement lvl .

shared this delectable carrot walnut cake with ZJ . :3

we bought singlets to match our hoodies @ PULL & BEAR before we went out of Takashimaya to walk ard agn .

we ended up in Wisma Atria, where i told her i'm taking shelter in the building .
i didn't go to Orchard this yr with any intention of snowspraying @ night . :/

went up to Food Republic on the 4th flr to secure a window seat to watch the lunatic snowspraying unfold . :3
ZJ's mom joined us a little later & we observed the madness frm within the building when the clock struck twelve .

& just as i convinced myself i'd be safe this yr, when we were going to return home ard 1am, we were informed the subway was closed .

we had to cross the short distance to the MRT in the open .
i stood on the staircase, dazed, for ard 10 mins or so .

it didn't help that ZJ managed to spot our vry uncle who brought us snowspraying every yr .
(yes, he himself was armed with snowspraying cans with other relatives . >.>)

the security guards walked by at that moment & i dragged ZJ & her mom to trail beside them, cause nobody dared to snowspray them . xD

however, they stopped right before we reached the MRT entrance & turned bck .
my uncle was only a few metres ahead of me & when i looked up, oh gawrd .

I think I met his eyes.

in a haste, the 3 of us turned along with the security guards & walked bck with them .
fail episode, i knw, but we decided to make a mad dash for the entrance halfway . xD

managed to reach, safe & sound, & took the MRT bck home .
all right, i'll be off to translate Shiyagare now . ciao !

2010-12-08T17:30:00.001+08:00

I feel like my blogging spirit has left me all of a sudden.

I'm supposed to have tons of updates, but I don't feel like blogging in the least.
There's AFA, there's my Japan trip, there's the recent chalet I had...

It's so...troublesome. To have to update, I mean.
But well, I guess I'll just update, since I'm here.

Am too lazy to upload the photos to Blogger, so I've put them into slideshows instead.

Going by chronological order, we have AFA for starters.
Day 1 was awesome, but Day 2 was an absolute blast. xD

Shall post more when I feel like it.
Am off to translate Shiyagare. Ciao! :3

2010-11-18T21:11:00.003+08:00

This is an emergency post, to be edited later.

Procrastination is bad. It leads to worse things/situations.
For example, I forgot to pack my luggage & update about AFAX.

I just finished packing a while ago & am leaving for my flight right nao. D:
I shall edit this into a proper "Suckerzx, I'm leaving for Japan," post later.

Bro's going to bring his fixed laptop when he joins us on Sunday, where I'll update my days in Japan since Friday (tomorrow).
So yup, bye-bye for nao! See you suckerzx on Sunday (where I'll post the pictures to Facebook; only because it uploads at a lunatic speed.)

2010-11-12T23:23:00.002+08:00

sch's out & over (& it's going to rot in hell) !

fare-fucking-well, ~~you shitty piece of~~ AISS .
we all knw i'm not going to miss your royal ass .

& out tumbles all the vulgarities & curses frm the mild-mannered brat .
don't hold it against me, kay, cause whoever you are, i don't give a fuck .

you & you & you hve no idea how elated & fucking thrilled i am to hve been released frm this hell of a hole .
in a nutshell, i'm telling you to shut your fucking gaps & complaints & take it elsewhere, like Facebook ?

muahaha .
burn ! die !

i'm on an adrenaline rush & i'm on my mighty high throne .
.. okay, i shall tone it dwn for the sake of other readers .

let's move on to the pictures . －w－

now girls & boys, this is why you shldn't wear slippers when cycling .

i started my big clean-up the moment i reached home frm the zoo .
(i made no fucking mistake ; i heard monkeys & dogs when i left .)

threw a colossal amt of junk away & used countless numbers of tissue .
(junk, inclusive of anything AISS-related as well as those darn bks .)

this is prolly the only bittersweet memento i'm keeping frm my sec sch days .

aftwards, experimented with diff poses for Star Gladiator .
somehow or the other, i wanted to tape this to my face .

Himura Kenshin de gozaru! (Though I fail, I got it on the wrong cheek.)

i'm going to tape it tmr as well .
not as a 'X', but as 2 simple strips .

y'knw, the white bandage some fighters always hve on their faces ?
thought it'd be cool to implement it on (the rather bland) Star Gladiator .

right, am going to ~~read some fics~~ slp soon .

Study Table-san is frustrated . it has dust on it .

tmr & the day aft are going to early for me .
hopefully, i'll be energetic enough . ciao ! 8D

2010-11-08T14:02:00.002+08:00

my bro told me i looked disappointed when i received the prize for second runner-up .

i've to push my pride bck into place & swallow that conceit of mine .
expecting too much out of oneself can be damaging at times . >.>

anyway, congratulations to Honey (champion) !
she was extremely frdly though i didn't knw her .

we gave each other a hug aft we received our prizes .
now, onwards to the gargatuan picture spam . :3

at the holding area, waiting for the event to kick off .

cosplay parade !

time flowed by swiftly & soon, it was our turn .

my bro was telling me to calm dwn & not make mistakes on stg .
ironically, i felt bolder on stg & he was the one who messed up .

Edit: Both the pictures and the video of my skit are up. :D
(Courtesy of tkte0408 for the former and jonny_fyy for the latter.)

was a little exhilarated aft it ended & constantly patted my bro's bck once we were off the stg (as he cldn't believe he was the one who committed a mistake xD) & took commemorative photos with my family .

Statue of Liberty, Zaraki-style .

now with the actual torch .

& the Death Note .

as we stepped out of the convention hall to head dwn for dinner, i was approached by a photographer for some pictures .

that's normal, right ?
it was supposed to be .

it was a little terrifying how the number of photographers who joined in increased by the second & by the time i noticed ..

i'm still stunned at the number of photographers .
here are some of the pictures taken by them . :D

headed dwn for our dinner aftwards & waited till 8pm for the results, where the winners took a grp photo aft everything was out .

so .. yay .
exhausted . D:

but yes, i'm still glad i'm in the third place .
it felt good when pple laughed at my skit .

kay, am off to catch up on the updates i've missed . ciao !

2010-11-06T23:19:00.003+08:00

tdy's last rehearsal was by no means without any hiccups .

even so, it sure as hell was enjoyable through & through .
we also tried to come up with plausible poses for Jeanne .

sry, i kid .

the above photos were taken aft i got bored with acting all dainty .
i can't help but feel it's impossible to identify with Jeanne's character .

she's way too noble & charismatic for someone like me to ever understand her .

why did i choose to cosplay as her in the first place, then ?
i've had her costume made not in 2010, but a few yrs bck .

i was a neophyte to the cosplaying world, so i chose a random character (that i knew of) to cosplay as in order to join an existing team .

i knw, don't rub it in, i was both disrepectful & dumb .
however, all i had was a fleeting interest at that time .

aft hving cosplayed twice (as Cross Yuuki), i was quick to abandon the world of cosplay (aft i had my Iron Maiden Jeanne & Star Gladiator costumes made) .

i was an irresponsible, cantankerous & supercilious brat .
i wasted my mom's money & ducked out like a coward .

to be honest, i nvr thought i'd be intrigued by cosplay agn .
i've had my fair share of fun at the two events i attended .

but i stumbled across behindinfinity @ dA, mre famously knwn as Jin, earlier in August, & my blood seemed to pulse in raw, uncontained excitement .

that's the impetus for my return .

i also stumbled across Teenage Cosplay 2010 on the vry same day .
the deadline was by the end of August & i thought, "Hey. Hey."

i set off for my impromptu photoshoot in a jiffy within 2 days, on a scorching Sunday, with only 2 costumes to choose frm (& i chose Iron Maiden Jeanne, as everyone's aware) .

i submitted my photo & passed the preliminary .
i threw the best ans i cld & passed the audition .

for the first 2 wks aft my euphoria died dwn, i was literally stuck in a writer's block .

i cldn't pen a proper script that was neither trite nor insipid .
it was to the extent that i felt bland, like i had nothing to offer .

my eldest bro came by 1 day to retrieve some of his items .
we had a little chat & he said he'll help me out anytime .

i told him i may not even be going for the competition if i can't come up with something for my skit, to which he bombarded me with ideas, albeit inapplicable ideas like constructing Jeanne's Iron Maiden .

(curse the O'lvls to the 7 hells, i wld hve constructed that Iron Maiden if i had the fucking time instead of studying like some geek .)

nevertheless, i felt like a great burden was lifted off my shoulders .
i went Youtubing for the first time in a while, scouring over videos .

when that didn't work, i moved on to the forums .
i just needed that dimunitive spark to start .

& then, i fnd it .
that- my spark .

my imagination spiralled a little out of control frm that point onwards .
i had to apply Delete & Backspace to prevent an overload of a script .

i worked on it, editing almost every single time i re-read it .
i moved on to putting the sound track tgt, & these took 2 days .

the nxt few days passed by like a drm .

working on props may not be as enjoyable as it sounds, but rly, it's addictive .
time flies by all too fast & by the time you've noticed, it's been 3 whole days .

it's the part that comes aft this that's excruciating .
(i believe i alr covered it in one of my earlier posts .)

anyway .

i'm going to cosplay as Medusa & Kenshin nxt yr, so no worries !
(decided on the latter only a few days ago, because .. yeah . :3)

plausible Medusa expression ?

here's an omake frm my skit to compensate for not posting the nice & proper poses of Jeanne ~~cause it's darn embarrassing to be feminine & i'd rather post tmr's photos with those poses since i'll hve make-up~~ .

Lawliet? What's she going to do in her skit?!
kay, am off to go to slp (for tmr) . ciao ! :D

2010-11-04T16:10:00.001+08:00

i'm cancelling my blogging hiatus .

i shall blog whenever i desire .
(overflowing like a broken tap .)

anyway, am going to wash away the bitter remnants from ytd with screenshots !

cause Kenshin is an adorable retard . >3

pigeons .

cat .

sun .

GV (swamped with freeloaders) .

went to get my baby this morning .
we went to Yishun Park tgt aftwards .

those monkeys you see there ?

i spent 10 mins sitting on my baby, observing them .
darn cute, those furry little creatures rly are . :3

& ta-da, here's my gorgeous baby !
kay, am off to read some fics .

ciao . (:

2010-11-03T22:10:00.004+08:00

HAPPY 11TH ANNIVERSARY, ARASHI ! ❤

i'm not supposed to be blogging, i knw .
but it's Arashi's 11th anniversary tdy . :D

& anyway, i'm here to let off some steam as well .
it's been an excruciating day & i'm splenetic .

was sent into a mild state of shock when i realised i've not been penning dwn my subj code for all the papers taken thus far .

i mean, what the hell ?
it's my own fault, yes .

i was just consumed by the dimunitive possibility that my papers won't be marked, so i panicked instead, trying to blame it on something or somebody to ease the monster wrenching away at my heart .

what did i do ?

i took it out on my dad who was with me to buy my bicycle .
great daughter i am . i cldn't brg myself to apologise too .

things worsened when we got home .
not between my dad & i, no .

my mom informed me that the (bastard or bitch of a) seller cancelled on us tdy, so we aren't getting our concert tickets anymore .

yet agn, i panicked because i assumed the seat numbers of the tickets hve alr been released, because why else wld that seller cancel our order if not for hving been lucky enough to hit for tickets with good seat numbers ?

he / she cld easily sell the tickets for twice the price we paid for it .
i muttered "No, no, no..." like a lunatic as i switched on the laptop .

i checked http://ticket.co.jp/ in a haste .
to my immediate relief, it wasn't revealed .

the seat numbers of the concerts on the 19th, 20th & 21st are going to be revealed nxt wk, & i literally felt my energy draining frm me as meek relief poured in .

(Some explanations to clear up the inevitable confusion:

1. No, where in the world do you think you'll find a concert ticket that costs $1,000?
2. The cost price is $100 and the selling price is $1,000.
3. And no, it's neither JE's nor Arashi's doing.
4. Fans who obtain those (golden and sacred) tickets pay $100 for them and make a profit of $900. By selling them at $1,000.
5. I have no other fucking choice but to buy from them because I am not in the fanclub (which, by the way, requires one to have a Japanese address in order to join).
6. JE knows how to do (serious) business. Why else do you think the seat numbers of tickets are only released a week before the actual concert date?
7. Of course, fans will know a month or two in advance once they've hit for the tickets, but they won't know the seat numbers. Only the date, time and location of the concert.
8. That doesn't deter fans from selling the tickets. It doesn't deter foreign fans like me from buying the tickets either, despite the risk involved.
9. How? Easy. I buy the tickets without being aware of the seat numbers at a market price of $1,000.
10. I can always buy the tickets a week before the concert, when the seat numbers have been released, right?
11. Wrong. As aforementioned, JE knows how to do (serious) business. They do not approve of fans they've sold the tickets to selling the tickets to others.
12. They're not internet idiots either. They know how to check websites and cancel the tickets whose seat numbers have been revealed and sold over the net.
13. Which is why, therefore, I am not willing to let $2,000 go down the drain for the best, front arena seat when I can jolly well be turned away at the entrance of the dome by the JE officers. (Yes, apparently, the most expensive Arashi ticket I've found goes up to $2,000. Best, front arena seat, of course.)
14. I'd rather stake my bet on those unknown tickets and hope they aren't the furthest seats from the stage.

In a nutshell, therefore, it is unsafe to purchase tickets after the seat numbers have been revealed. Once revealed, I will have naught an opportunity to witness Arashi's concert this year. End of explanation.)

& then, aft the nausea & slight giddiness frm being relieved was drained frm my system as well, i took it out on my mother nxt .

don't "WTF?" me (because i'm doing that right now) .
i'm a little cranky & prone to irritability tdy .

my mother, on the other hand, gently sucked in my anger like a vacuumn & even told me it was all right even if the price of the tickets hve risen because she's willing to buy another pair of tickets so long it's under $1,500 for 1 ticket .

(don't wry, the $2,000 we paid for the 2 tickets that the seller cancelled were returned to us .

yes, the cheapest tickets that come in a pair on that site are now $1,500 for 1 ticket while the cheapest had been $1,000 for 1 ticket a few wks ago .)

what the hell ?
what the hell .

i didn't even knw if i shld laugh, cry or feel mad .
even for just a flickering moment, i was unworthy .

i didn't feel i deserve this type of treatment frm my parents .
i wasn't worth dirt, i'm selfish, i'm cantakerous & .. unworthy .

it was almost too much to bear .
i moped for the rest of the day .

i didn't feel like attending the finals for Teenage Cosplay 2010 this weekend, i didn't feel like completing my remaining O'lvls papers, i didn't feel like attending AFA the nxt wk & heck, i didn't even feel like going to Japan anymre .

i'm but a selfish, self-conceited brat .

i always preach to my inner self with decorative words like "Don't take things for granted," even though i commit this regardlessly .
i tell myself it's "No one else's fault but yours," when in reality, i knw i'm blaming something else so much, it hurts .

i blame the weather when i fall on a slippery patch and land magnificently on my butt, i blame the bus for running late when i cld hve woken a tad bit earlier, i blame my surroundings when i'm the 1 who's closing myself off frm everyone, i tell myself "No one tries to understand me," when i'm the 1 who doesn't understand others, i convince myself i'll find real buds someday when i don't even want to face the fact that i'm like this right now due to my crooked & nasty personality .

i'm horrible, because aft typing this shitload out, i'm still blaming others .

i'm trying to get my existence acknowledged aft hving typed "I'm an invisible existence and I don't care," for so many fucking gargatuan times on this vry blog .

but what of it ?
nothing chgs .

Phantasmagoria. And yet, nothing changes.
i say "It doesn't matter," but it does matter .

i off-handedly proclaim "Ah, sometimes I feel like killing myself," but i'll hear the exact same words frm several others, & i end up listening to their woeful stories when i was the one who wanted others to listen to me .

i look up towards the sky sometimes & i knw i'm depicted as a quiet weirdo by passer-bys .

i catch those glances thrown behind my bck & i pretend i'm lost in my own world .
i act like i'm a step above everyone else when i'm actually lagging by 2 steps .

when i'm in front of my comp, i holler, giggle, squeal, cry, swear, vent, hit & ponder among so many others .

it's kind of ironic because it almost seems as if i'm suffering frm dissociative identity disorder, except i'm fully aware it's not because i do not suffer frm any forms of memory loss .

it's mre like "I'm an empty shell the moment I step out from my house."

am i .. turning into a hikikomori ?
haha . hahaha . this is hilarious .

I think I am. Thanks to you sick bastards.

2010-10-24T23:44:00.002+08:00

Dear 13th-Tsuki,

I'm here today to thank you for having accompanied my capricious whims.
It truly saddens me that The Inevitable has arrived in the blink of an eye.

As the saying goes, "All good things come to an end."
Our adventure had been vivacious while it lasted.

Alas, I have no other choice but to bade farewell, now that we are on the edge of this precarious crossroad.

I am overwhelmed with the gargatuan amount of gratitude pouring from my heart.
Thank you very much for having embarked on this irreplaceable journey with me.

...farewell, my faithful companion.

Much Love,

KYASHA & the Stage Ninja

P/S: With that said, I'm going on a hiatus starting from this post! :D
I'm awfully apologetic for having to neglect you, but do bear with it.

It'll be over within a month, and we'll be salient as a team again.
Oh, that picture's from Saturday's rehearsal, by the way. 8Db

2010-10-22T22:37:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 601st POST TO ME ! :D

this calls for a post devoid of my usual ~~bitchy fits~~ bombast .
rejoice, readers, because i brg nothing but the inveterate .. !

.. pictures, yes . :D

(that's my awesome ~~& expensive~~ penlight, btw .
bought frm Tokyo Disneyland last yr . 8Db)

this one's frm Hong Kong Disneyland, bck in 2006 .

& this is none other than my younger sis !

yeah, all right, i refuse to admit i looked this tacky in 2006 .
but wutever, at least i wasn't girly & nvr will be, so heh .

anyway, i apologise because this is going to be a short post .
am merely blogging due to the red bruise on my finger . :/

hve been jotting dwn locations for my Japan trip since a few hrs ago .
it eventually led to a bumpy & painful bruise on my ring finger .

thus, i decided to take a short break by ~~what else but~~ blogging . :3
am proud that i've completed my research on Odaiba & Asakusa !

& yay, on a random note, it's Saturday tmr !
i can't wait to rehearse for my cosplay skit .

am off to continue on my research . ciao . 8D

2010-10-21T19:06:00.001+08:00

Kenshin resembles Yoh to such an shocking extent, it's sort of uncanny .

& oh, Kenshin's rly handsome ~~when he's not being a goofball~~ .
that said, i've immersed myself in another anime series . :D

nothing beats the good ol' animes like Rurouni Kenshin .
i'll fangirl over this series aft hving seen mre eps . xD

anyway, am here to ~~repine~~ post abt this tdy .
Arashi no Shukudai-kun VS Arashi ni Shiyagare ?

i'd like to stand my ground on this issue .

indeed, i whined like a little child who had her lollipop taken away .
when Shukudai-kun was revealed to be ending, i was atrabilious .

in hindsight, going by the flow of variety shows, i shld hve knwn the end was near .
only the most prosperous of variety shows like Gaki no Tsukai cld go on for yrs .

2010 is Arashi no Shukudai-kun's third yr .
we shld hve been prepared for the inevitable .

but no, we weren't .

we were wading all too deep in a river, knwn as The Nile .
we merely looked forward to our late Monday nights .

with bated breaths, we'd settle comfortably into our chairs with a soft plop as we double-clicked on that media file, of 30 mins of pure bliss & joy &, yes, a wonderful & sparkly rainbow-coloured world, complete with unicorns .

in the early mths of 2010, i was literally depending on Shukudai-kun to tide over my ghastly days .

but what of it ?
it was ending .

do you think we can't comprehend that it's just a variety show ?
do you think we were all dumb fans who didn't want anything to chg ?

Arashi no Shukudai-kun is just a variety show .
& as a variety show, it has to end someday .

that's something that can be universally comprehended .
& it was something none of us cld accept within our hearts .

it was frabjous .

i started my days as a rookie in this fandom frm Himitsu no Arashi-chan & VS Arashi .
it ultimately led me to Arashi no Shukudai-kun, Mago Mago Arashi, D & G no Arashi .

it led me to a whole new world .
it was blindingly bright & warm .

there was this small cocoon of happiness, bubbling frm within my heart, surrounding my entire being with each & every ep i watched .

indeed, Mago Mago Arashi, D & G no Arashi had alr ended when i started watching it .
but there was their superseder, knwn as Arashi no Shukudai-kun, with the same staff .

it churned out eps for us to digest, wk aft wk, until a certain Monday in March .

i was devastated, convinced that Shukudai-kun's superseder can nvr be as brilliant .
an improvisational program where Arashi doesn't even knw of their guest's identity ?

i'd scoffed mentally, affronted that such a program was even created .
but as i read the views of countless fellow comrades, i hesitated .

perhaps it'd be wiser for me to cool my head & give Shiyagare a chance .
we're the consumers, they're the salesmen, so we shld hear them out .

granted, they're not the same salesmen (for the staff has been completely replaced), but the least we cld do is to fulfil our roles as consumers & complain only aft we've been shown all sides of the product .

so, with growing unease gnawing away at my heart, i double-clicked on that media file .

was i stupefied by how magnificent the first ep was ?
was i shocked speechless by how relaxing it seemed ?

the ans to both qns is "No," & that holds true for the following eps as well .
it was neither magnificent nor did it make me feel relaxed - it was far frm it .

i can admit right here & now that i sincerely believe Shukudai-kun is the only program that ever made me feel that way, & will continue to be the only one within my heart in the future .

but, what ?

did i not bear witness to the grins Arashi wore ?
did i not sense that accomplishment frm the staff ?

i did (why yes, i did) & i can't ignore that blatant fact .
i'd be lying if i said i didn't enjoy Shiyagare to a certain extent .

sure, it may not be as amusing or wacky as Shukudai-kun had been, but let's face it .
these are 2 separate programs that are produced by 2 completely diff staff members .

why, i'd go as far as to say it'd be plagiarism if Shiyagare resembled Shukudai-kun to an uncanny extent, although it'd satiate our cravings without a doubt .

also, on an extra note, i'm working as a translator for Arashi ni Shiyagare .
playing that hr long media file for the first time, i may think nothing of it .

but aft hving watched it, when i double-click that media file on a separate day to start translating, i hve to translate over the course of a few days due to the sheer amt of lines present in that variety show .

i hve to play & pause almost immediately, to type the line that was just spoken .
aft doing this for several eps, i realised "Arashi is truly enjoying themselves."

seeing that aspect of theirs seemed to warm my heart almost instantaneously .
that was when i began to think it'd be all right, that i'm fine with the way it is .

just what else are we expecting frm Arashi, their variety shows & the staff behind it ?

we criticize & grumble & complain abt hving Shukudai-kun taken away frm us .
had Shiyagare been broadcasted before Shukudai-kun, wld we had done the same ?

perhaps we may all be fawning over the new program that's made of so much pure win .

my heart belongs to Arashi no Shukudai-kun even now, as i work as a translator for Arashi ni Shiyagare because i fnd it amusing, but i'm not abt to go on rants abt how "Arashi has changed, even their songs have changed. Whatever happened to those golden old days when they goofed around and churned out good music like Kitto Daijoubu or, heck, Nice na Kokoroiki? We want upbeat and catchy tunes. We want to laugh at Arashi teasing the guest. Dear Snow is dull, its PV is dull, I've been disappointed since To be free. The guests on Arashi ni Shiyagare are not in the least bit amusing, turning the entire program into a failure because we cannot see Arashi in action. What improvisation? A pathetic excuse for the staff to slack."

i admit, i was appalled to read such views .
these are valid opinions regardlessly .

i share some of the sentiments in those views, though i do not find Dear Snow to be as dull & disappointing as some fans hve stressed .

what, do you want a song like Happiness to be the theme song of a period movie ?
"Oh, so put Dear Snow aside," you say, "What about To be free, huh? Tell me."

it's the theme song for a CM "for freaking sake", right ?

then, you tell me, since when has Arashi lost the right to decide the genre of the song they want to produce ?
btr yet, do you think you can defy JE for producing the occasional slow & ballad-like songs for Arashi ?

i can assure you i'd not like an Arashi that produces upbeat & catchy songs all the way into their forties .

anyway, in a nutshell, i'm not going to condemn Arashi ni Shiyagare .
i may favour Shukudai-kun over Shiyagare any day like every other fan .

but whatever it is, Shukudai-kun is Shukudai-kun & Shiyagare is Shiyagare .
i refuse to line them nxt to one another & point out Shiyagare's flaws .

these 2 aren't even produced by the same staff .
& thus, i shall rest my case with this point .

recently, i can't seem to post without typing innumerable lines of text . :/
i wonder why ? but i've always preferred long posts anyway, so all's well .

may start doing a 30 days meme soon .
am off to watch Rurouni Kenshin . ciao !

2010-10-17T23:44:00.003+08:00

this is KYASHA, reporting aft 2 days of backbreaking work .

began working on the skit as soon as my bro got home .
we only worked on the dance steps for the first night .

for the second day, we mainly solidified the body of the skit .
came up with the movements to match all the narrator's lines .

speaking of which, i didn't hve my bro record his lines as the narrator in the end . :/

obviously, his lines had much mre emotions poured into it, but the synthesizer's lines are so accurate & perfect, both of us agreed that it may just be btr to leave it as it is, because the audience will be focusing on my movements as well .

so, we moved on to editing the audio aft my movements were decided .
this is where i felt a queer mix of guilt, bliss & mirth all @ once . :/

i had to act out the skit to measure the timing needed between lines, so i cldn't be in front of the comp @ the same time to edit the audio .

my bro was the one moving & cutting parts to paste here & there .
we also had to re-record some of the synthesizer's (out of tune) lines .

(sounds silly because the synthesizer has a fixed tone for a particular word, but it can be chged as long as that word's used in a diff sentence, so we had to experiment ard as well .)

aftwards, we had to determine the orientation of the props, along with the movements of my bro, the stg ninja, so that it'll be effectuated smoothly instead of ending up like an awkward hodgepodge of a wreck .

we rehearsed the entire skit a few times before we called it a day .

(in fact, you can take that in the literal sense .
we started @ 1pm &, i believe, ended ard 11pm .)

i had my dad record our last rehearsal of the day .
wanted to check how i was doing & improve my skit .

to be honest, i think i (we) did fairly well .

i won't remark that it's "Definitely going to impress the audience!" or "Bound to make everyone laugh!", but i've the confidence, aft hving done this much for the skit, that it'll be entertaining @ the vry least .

i'm genuine abt winning this competition .

(nothing's going to beat the joy of hving won the $ for my concert tickets .
well, of course, except when i'm @ Arashi's concert, with my mom, itself . <3)

my bro told me i've a "good chance" .

i don't want to be lulled into a false sense of security .
& so, i put my foot dwn & decided to rehearse profusely .

indeed, the concert tickets hve alr been bought .
the $ has alr been paid by my (beloved) mom .

but i don't want to rely on her for everything .

if the $ is something i can earn myself, i'm going to give it my all .
& hold your horses there if other thoughts are entering your mind .

what the hell am i doing with my O'lvls ard the corner, right ?
i knw it feels like i've got my priorities in the wrong direction .

but hang on, i'm studying like i've nvr studied before .
(literally agn, yes, because i've nvr studied before .)

i wrote my personal Chemistry notes on 14 pieces of paper (27 pgs), copying the bits & pieces frm my t/b, Mrs.Chua's notes as well as the TYS .

i proceeded to scan the darn pgs into my comp to create a w/s .
i'm a Photoshop idiot, so i used Paint to incorporate blanks .

(Read: Using Select & Delete on crucial words to create a fill-in-the-blanks worksheet.)

i printed it out, worked on it & was dissatisfied with the number of mistakes i made, so i efficaciously vented this out by writing a w/s with a list-the-answers format, like "List the physical properties of halogens."

what i received in return was an A1 for my Chemistry mock examination paper .
Organic Chemistry has nvr been as clear & distinct as it is to me right now .

was i proud ?

i'm not trying to be conceited (or maybe i am), but not rly .
i've nvr liked Chemistry in the first place, so it's a given .

if i studied this hard for English & received the same result in return, you've no idea how loud my heart will holler in pure mirth .

in a nutshell, "Yes, to everyone who thinks I've gone bonkers for concentrating on my cosplay skit at this time of the year. I am studying, just like anyone else who possesses a fervid desire to enter his/her desired school/course."

anyway, bck to my acc of the third day . :D

aft hving determined the orientation of the props last night, we moved on to whatever little had to be adjusted / decorated tdy .
basically, the cardboard box was wrapped up sprucely & my mom sewed the paper boxes i folded to the basket fastidiously .

am not going to reveal much details on my blog .
the skit will be pleasant to watch that way . (:

(why yes, am going to be egoistic & post a vid of the skit i performed aft the competition has ended .)

introduced a variety of vids to my parents aft we were done with everything .
(was transferring Letters from Iwo Jima for my dad to watch, so .. xD)

aft hving transferred LIAR GAME 2 for my dad & the Zettai Kareshi SP for my mom, i proceeded to play the first few eps of Mago Mago Arashi to watch tgt with my parents .

i don't think i've flailed this much in front of my parents before . >w<
seriously, i was squealing every few mins, pointing out details ardently .

i guess i was just eager to show why i fell in love with Arashi to my parents .
(even now, my dad remarks they all look like girls & my mom's been neutral . d:)

well, anyway !
been TLTR ?

here are the customary screenshots . :D
(received my Arashi fix frm VS Arashi .)

'cause Aiba-chan's hawt, Sho-kun's dorky & Oh-chan's fantabulous like that . 8Db

oh, & i've been addicted to this lately .
i reckon it's due to its ingenuous nature .

origami is much relaxing than it looks .
it's such a useful tool for idling too . :D

am going to post a pic of my angel once i learn how to fold it neatly .
kay, am off to watch some random vids for my Arashi fix . ciao ! (:

2010-10-13T23:56:00.007+08:00

in recent days, i've been complaining of being Arasick .

well, aft watching this adorable brat's PR events ?
i'm close to typing "Not anymore!", but just a moment .

there's this little interview of Arashi, where they boarded their JAL jet .

Narrator: When you take a closer look at Haneda Airport's airplane... The five members of the popular group, Arashi, are imprinted on it. And...
Male announcer: Eh, right now, the five members of Arashi are alighting from the airplane.
Narrator: The five have alighted from the airplane that's termed as the "Arashi Jet". Actually, Arashi's 9th album has broken a million sales! An event was held to commemorate this achievement.
Nino: It has really come to me that a great number of people are listening to our music.
Aiba-chan: There are times at convenience stores when Arashi's album's song is being played and I can really feel that many people are listening to us. It makes me glad.
Narrator: For such an Arashi, rather than being excited over achieving a million sales, they were excited over...
Nino: We went to places like the cockpit, didn't we?
Aiba-chan: We did.
Sho-kun: We were allowed to do so... We were a little excited, weren't we?
Aiba-chan: That's right. We explored places that are usually prohibited, so...
Sho-kun: Eh? Matsumoto-kun, you weren't there, were you?
MatsuJun: Well, I was watching over everyone who was doing so.
Sho-kun: Right, he was like a father.
MatsuJun: They were- The four of them were constantly standing in a row. Even though they were excited, we walked together in a group.
Aiba-chan: Well, well-
MatsuJun: It was truly amusing.
Aiba-chan: We've never seen such places before.
Oh-chan: We've never seen them before.
Narrator: Today's event seems to have been reproduced to be like the day Beatles arrived, but...
Reporter: Did it seem like the day Beatles came?
MatsuJun: I'm born in Japan, in any case.
Sho-kun: I did mutter "Hello Tokyo" in a small voice while I waved my hand.
MatsuJun: He's probably muttering "Hello Tokyo" if you can see his mouth moving a little.
Narrator: Right now, Arashi is in the middle of their concert tour. Leader, Ohno-san seems to have a certain worry...
Oh-chan: Regarding the choreography and the like...right?
Reporter: Yes?
Oh-chan: Um, we have those, so I'll try recalling it...from here on.
Sho-kun: Eh? Have you forgotten it?
Oh-chan: I did not forget, but most probably...
Sho-kun: No, you said you'll "try recalling it"...
Nino: You said that clearly.
Oh-chan: Um...I've forgotten.
Nino: Hang in there.
Oh-chan: I'll do my best.
Aiba-chan: We still have some concerts to cover.

you've no idea how wide my grin stretched . <3
& then, this completely eradicated my Arasickness .

(.. almost .)

GANTZ's screening date in S'pore has been confirmed to be on 2011.04.14 !
like, omfgwtfbbq for the awesomeness knwn as Nino-chan & MatsuKen . xD

the fact that there's a VS Arashi SP tmr lifted my spirits as well .
but, there's just this dimunitive bit of Arasickness left in my system .

I've yet to receive my appropriate weekly dosage of Arashi. :/
HnA, VSA & AniShi hve been on a break for the past few wks .

due to that, i've gone a little cranky .
my vigour & willpower evaporated .

& i thought, "Oh my fucking god, this is not going to work because what the fuck, I don't feel like memorizing any shit and *sharp intake of oxygen* the hell am I going to pass my O-levels?"

paranoia invaded my mind with a BAM! &, yeah, i went bonkers .
.. until the abovementioned news came into sight & i brightened up . <3

well, anyway, now that i'm all fine & dandy ..

thought i'd elaborate on my props .
finished everything last night . :D

am esp proud of my Zaraki 'wig' that was only completed due to the joint efforts of my parents & i .

did take a photo of my parents working at it, but we're @ home & all .
were all looking a little messy, so i'll just refrain frm posting it . d:

can't wait for my bro to return to record his lines as the narrator .
& yup, i've got to find some time to rehearse the skit i've in mind .

kay, am off to work on my Chemistry w/s . ciao ! (:

2010-10-10T23:49:00.002+08:00

am too exhausted, so make do with these pics .

received Dear Snow a few days ago . (:
& that thought bubble you see there ?

part of my props for my cosplay skit .
seems simple, but geez, it was tiring .

measuring the length of the letters & everything .
can't say i didn't hve fun, though, so all's good .

am going to work on Zaraki's spikes & my arrows tmr .
& hopefully, i'll be able to spare some rehearsal time .

(honestly ?

i've gone through half of my History notes while 'idling' @ home .
my verdict's that sch is a total ~~bullshit~~ waste of my precious time .

i shld ask my mom to write that letter soon .)

i'm terribly Arasick right nao .
like, fuck, my world is turning .

sigh, whatever, i shldn't complain like a whiny brat .
mom just ordered the concert tickets for the 20th . ♥

asdfghjkl, i'm so going to earn my $2,000 to pay for our share .
all right, enough of my daydreams, am off to go to slp . ciao . 8D

2010-10-07T20:04:00.002+08:00

OTANJOUBI OMEDETOU, TOMA-KUN ! ♥

happy 26th bday! :D

asdfghjkl, it's not that i dislike his Nakatsu-hairstyle .
it's just- take a long & grand look @ his Maou-hairstyle .

(& uh-mai-gawrd, that half-eaten apple & that stubble of his . ♥)

kay, i'm aware my blog has been dead for this past mth .
felt fucked-up abt some matters, so i didn't want to blog .

but, i don't rly give a damn anymre .
i'm leaving everything within a mth .

i'll be starting anew within a mth .
i'll be so much mre happier & freer .

& honestly, those things can rot in their own filth for all i care .
i can't be bothered with incorrigible idiots anymre, kthxbai .

anyway, cutting my bullshit short .
i've screenshots of Toma-kun tdy ! :D

UNF, Toma-sama. UNF.

on a separate note, i've been suffering both mentally & literally as of late . :/
i'm utterly Arasick, hve been breaking out in cold sweat & feel like vomiting .

mom told me not to attend sch .
i've an uncanny feeling abt it .

been sick since last wk, so i thought it was impossible for it to last this long .
esp since i alr rested for 3 days @ home, so i'm thinking it's just my body .

like, my mind is intent on avoiding sch, so my body pulls out all the giddy spells to give an appropriate excuse for my mind to accept .

hoho, i'm being obnoxious .
anyway, get well soon, body .

I miss translating Arashi ni Shiyagare, damn it.
Where the hell is my sparkly rainbow-coloured world? ):

2010-09-29T23:31:00.001+08:00

i'll not make such a wish on a whim ever agn .

last night, aft hving skipped sch for the day due to a frustrating incident with the idiotic bus that i do not want to mention, i was thinking it'd be nice to fall sick so that i can ask for a 2-days MC frm the doc & excuse myself frm sch until Friday .

now, look @ where i am .

my throat's all itchy, my nose's all stuffed & i'm aching all over .
i shld had knwn btr than to make such an ominous wish . >.>

obtained my 2-days MC frm the doc though, so i guess all's well .

of course, i didn't spend my day rotting my ass off @ home .
studied Chemistry for, what do you knw, 10 stupendous hrs !

thing is, forcefully stuffing the multitudinous topics of Chemistry into my brain within the span of 10 hrs is an excruciating exp .
it's esp so because i realised i knew close to nothing abt this subj aft flipping open my t/b for a quick scan, to check the topics .

but man, writing everything out (on 7 pieces of paper) sure was efficacious .
i've a feeling i memorized mre than i usually wld if i merely glanced @ it .

that said, am going to give my all to master combined Chemistry !
(can't help that i can't switch to double Science, that's why .)

& yes, that 7 pieces of paper filled with my handwritten notes hve yet to cover even half of the topics in the t/b .

anyway, i've pics to revive my blog . :D
(been only a wk, but it feels much longer .)

a literal lucky star, cause i had no inspiration to pen it dwn in words .

fruit of my labour .

oh, & i received my Kokuritsu pin badges tdy ! >w<

am off to translate Arashi ni Shiyagare .
(fingers are aching, but i feel like it . D:)

ciao .

2010-09-20T20:48:00.002+08:00

the audition's over .

& so gushes out a strong sense of relief frm the pent-up anxiety .
it's not without a slight tinge of disappointment, though . ):

i thought i was mentally prepared, but i guess it wasn't enough .
kind of gave out during the audition cause i was too nervous .

there are so many firsts for me .

i've only had a dimunitive experience of cosplaying before .
(& that time, i didn't even hve a wig or put on any make-up .)

it's my first in a competition as well, where an audition is to be held .
it's absurdly similar to an oral, but only much mre nerve-wracking .

(i wonder why ?

i cld blabber on, words shooting frm my mouth, when i sat for my O'lvl oral .
wasn't shocked stiff nor gripped by panic, but perhaps it's due to my fatigue .

i did mention my butt rotted off while sitting the entire 2 hrs out, didn't i ?)

sigh, but what's over is over .
remorse or regret won't salvage it .

all i can say is that i'm overjoyed i made it past the preliminary & gave my all for the audition . (:

it's not like it doesn't matter whether i make it into the finals .
i do hve a trenchant desire to make it, but a sole factor stands .

i'm neither experienced nor sociable enough .
i'm nothing short of shyness & awkwardness .

i'm prone to succuumb to opinions, how others view me .
i'm just .. not mentally strong enough for anything @ all .

but, what, i'm not going to give up here .
i've come .. not too far, nor too little .

i feel like i can chg something in my life, if only i chg my way of thinking beforehand .

no matter how tiny or fragile the chg may be, something's still going to chg .
& i'm not abt rdy to give up that slither of a sparkling hope i can reach for . >D

anyway, pics !

(courtesy of my bro who, i swear, is an absolute sadist .
he takes photos of a girl who's nervous for her audition .

i look like an idiot who's staring into a piece of paper like a mirror when i was simply re-reading the rules for lack of nothing to concentrate & focus on .)

& the photoshoot . 8Db

saw many other cosplayers there, & i rly wanted to take a photo with Ichigo & Lambo, but didn't dare to pop the qns cause, yeah, i'm just too timid . >.>

there was also a wizard frm Ragnarok Online & i'm telling you, i most positively squealed when i first spotted him with his cape flowing with the breeze cause the scene was that darn cool .

imagine my utter embarrassment when i realised she's the judge (when i went into the audition rm) & that, yes, she's a she (a handsome she @ that) .

all in all, it was like a mini cosplay event due to the number of (amazing) cosplayers there . :D
honestly, if this is how much i enjoyed myself ytd, it's going to be unimaginable during AFA & EOY .

gah, i can't wait . >w<

kay, am off to watch Durarara!!
(i'm hooked aft just 1 episode .)

ciao . :D

2010-09-15T22:09:00.001+08:00

OTANJOUBI OMEDETOU, ARASHI ! ❤

happy 11th bday ! :D

i can vaguely rmb my entire being overflowing with words to be typed .
eagerly, i clicked on 'New Post', wanting to let it all spill & gush out .

but somehow, i'm ..
wordless, a total blank .

do you guys knw ?

our boys are mouthing 'arigatou' in that pic .
it belongs to the booklet in Boku no Miteiru Fuukei .

when i first knew of this, i felt my heart clenching so tightly, i thought i cldn't breathe .
they hve this magical ability, our boys rly do, to connect with their fans & just cheer us up .

us fans, we all started out as typical fans .
fans who scream over those sparkly idols .

fans, a variety of fans, who became fans due to a vast number of reasons .
Jun-baited, addicted to their upbeat songs, attracted by their bonds .

by the time i realised it, a yr had passed & i was deep into the fandom .
i've nvr been attracted to idols before, so i thought, "Oh, it's like this."

i was a typical, typical fan .

it all boils dwn to 'We're strangers in the end, I'm supporting them as the idols they are, the occupation they hold; just your typical, everyday thing that occurs on the face of this Earth. Nothing life changing, nothing that major, nothing to make a magnificent fuss over.'

i didn't knw what i was stepping into .
i didn't knw what was enveloping me .

i simply supported them, simply laughed @ their antics in their variety programs, simply enjoyed the music they created, simply squealed over their sexy shots in mags, simply gushed over how cute they are at times, simply worried for their health when they seemed to be taking on too many jobs, simply sang along with their songs when i was stuck deep dwn in the dumps, simply kept their img in my mind to keep me going, simply bought their CDs & goods, simply felt touched when watching their speeches at the end of their concerts-

i simply felt radiant, pure joy bouncing off my skin .
i'm but a fan who's on the other side of the world .

these 5 are strangers to me, idols who appear on Japanese TV .
they can make me laugh, cry, worried, anxious, melancholic-

i've nvr met them before .
these 5 are strangers .

it was then i realised i've stepped too deep into something i can nvr, ever, remove myself frm, nor do i desire to .

i love Arashi .
so fucking much .

within a span of 2 yrs, i feel like i've been opened to so much mre .
i only realised, a few days ago, when Mr.Row said this to us .

"Humans are dull and lifeless if they are ever without aspirations. They have to reach out for goals- Hope. No one can survive without hope."

i've been told i'm smart .
i've been told i'm quick-witted .

so why is it that i cld nvr realise this answer when it was right beside me all along ?

i've always wondered, even when i can type everything dwn in words .
why is it that my heart has so much love to give to this grp of 5 ?

i can feel it growing at a rapid pace with each passing day .
whenever did i possess such a terrifyingly humongous heart ?

"Hope."

this may be cheesy .
this may seem like a beautifully crafted lie .
this may all be a dimunitive figment of my uncontrollable imagination .

but they, Arashi, our boys .
they gave me precious hope .

they gave me something to live, if not strive, for .
big words i'm spouting here, & dramatic, maybe ?

that's exactly how drastic it is .

cause i became a fan, just as i entered a dark & scary phase in my life .
these 5, i now shudder when i use this word, strangers, made an impact .

they've left their footprints in their wake, on this frightening phase in my life .
i cried, i scrambled, i tried to recover the stable ground i've lost my footing on .

i was nothing but a conglomeration of fragile emotions, prone to shatter @ any given moment .

i hid behind an invisible barrier, i shoved profanities in front of me just cause it made me feel that tiny bit btr, like an invincible girl, but deep dwn, i was denying everything ard me- i was painfully conscious of how small of a speck i was in the flow of this world .

i cldn't excel @ what i truly love, i was a failure of a frd & i was fraught with negativity .

everyone, everything ; they seemed like a lie to me & i felt i was a lie to them .
& one day, the last shards of my existence seemed to shatter into nothing & everything .

i fell into complete denial, & the world seemed to crash itself upon my slumped shoulders .

i cldn't even despair anymre, cause there was nothing to despair over .
but, there's this idol who's a newscaster @ the same time, who goes by Sakurai Sho .

he guested on Shounen Club Premium .
he talked abt various matters as a guest .

he was asked, "In your opinion, what is an idol, Sakurai-kun?"

he replied, "For us in particular, we're given the opportunity to do some stupid things too, so if someone can say, 'These guys are idiots! Just watching them makes me happy,' then that's the kind of person I want to continue being. I would also like to be their dream."

Dream. A flicker of hope was ignited.

i wanted to cry, but i cldn't find it in my heart to do so .
i didn't feel worthy & i had no right to feel touched .

The hope, like hungry flames, lapped for oxygen greedily.

i began to patch myself bck into pieces, albeit slanted pieces .
but it was all right, cause it wld be wrong if i was perfect .

slanted pieces suited someone like me to the core .
i worked, strived, laboured & finally, it was bck .

the courage, hopes & drms i lost .

immediately, i felt a sufferable pang of guilt eating away @ my heart .
my family, what the hell hve i done to the pple closest, dearest to me ?

i threw everything out frm within me when the negativity piled too high, i ignored them when i was as empty as a vacuum & was nothing but trouble who brought abt misfortune .

i told my mom everything .
the truth i'd withheld .

i teared before she did, cause it was a tough period i went through, it was finally over, i cld apologise to her & the rest of my family & she cld finally put herself @ ease .

"When you've hit rock bottom, the only way left is up."
this has become my fav phrase that i'll treasure forevermre .

there's so much mre to life, to this world, than i've taken in frm my shallow viewpoint .

& Arashi, they've long since treaded into my life .
they're alr an inseparable, cherished part of me .

it may all seem artificial, but i'm fiercely aware of the genuine love i hold for them .

ありがとう、嵐。
Thank you, Arashi.

2010-09-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

am i bushed (yet satisfied) . 8Db

went to IR to makan on Thursday as well as tdy .
& went to AMK Hub with mom & bro on Thursday . (:

did some window-shopping, bought 2 pieces of clothes & mostly played @ the arcade .
there's this new game that greatly resembles O2Jam, so i cldn't stop playing on it .

there were a variety of Bishi Bashi as well, where the 3 of us mashed on the buttons like lunatics . >w<

makan-ed @ Starz Restaurant for a buffet dinner that night .
along with my grandfather, the Z twins, their mom & my dad .

recently, my habit of snapping pics of whatever catches my eyes has been fading .
i didn't even take a shot of the platter of munchy cakes & desserts i consumed .

.. oh well .

makan-ed @ Feng Shui Inn for lunch tdy, with my grandfather, ZhouJie, dad & bro .
agn, i think i was too lazy to snap photos anymre (pls don't fade away, my habit) .

but i had enough energy for this .

cause this elephant statue's unique like that . 8Db

ZhouJie, my bro & i went to Great World City aftwards .
headed for (where else ?) the arcade to play, play & play .

went to our grandparents' hse aft we were done .
basically, we slacked ard while watching the TV .

& playing Happy Families, our prize frm the tickets gained @ Timezone .
waited for our mom & dad to take the MRT bck home with them .

i was a little greedy for DDR though, so my bro & i headed towards Northpoint's Timezone instead . xD

what do you knw, the structure has been chged agn .
& what's mre, Pump It Up has been added to it ! :D

(went mad & obsessed with this dancing machine aft hving tried it @ the E-Zone in AMK Hub .)

played our usual games before we left ..
.. to window-shop @ Mini Toons, haha .

fooled ard with the spectacularly ridiculous spectacles they hve on sale .
we (sort of) inspected their goods & passed our remarks like veterans . xD

there's also this $888 mahjong table that shuffles your tiles & rolls your dice .
it even stacks up all 4 rows of tiles neatly & properly, all facing dwnwards .

IKR, amazing or wut ? *-*
but, well, it's all right .

part of the fun in mahjong lays in the shuffling of tiles by ourselves .
(@ least, i knw i enjoy doing that cause that is an essence of mahjong .)

headed bck aftwards, but we passed by Funland on our way home .
so .. we went in to take a look, & tried their mini UFO catcher .

of course, it was to no avail, so there goes our $2 . ):
went bck for real & i played the organ in a long while .

random much ?
i knw, but .

my mom piped up all of a sudden, asking me to play the organ .
my mind may not rmb but my fingers still do, so i played it .

cld only rmb Canon & Für Elise though, so played only those .

anyway !
behold ..

received my Lφve Rainbow ytd .
am off to go to slp . ciao ! >w<

2010-09-04T23:58:00.006+08:00

attemped to cut & style a Medusa wig ytd .

(signed up for a Soul Eater team for nxt yr's events .
decided to cosplay as Medusa cause it seems fun . :D)

sry for the choppy spikes .

since it's a cheap & mediocre wig, tried to save time by cutting it perpendicularly .
of course, the spikes became choppy as a result, but rly, the wig was too damn thick .

i'd like to commend myself on my 1st try, but yeah, i'll not get carried away .
anyway, went to COMEX 2010 (agn) tdy, cause my bro has yet to buy any stuff .

went to Chinatown before that though, to install the latest CFW in my PSP .
(mine was a humiliating & inferior ver. cause i didn't upgrade it myself .)

did it so that i cld play Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep (fuck yes, it's out) .
but of course, equivalent exchange exists no matter when, what & where .

since my original CFW (a 3.71 M33, go ahead & laugh your arse off) is so old & crappy, the saved data i've on it can't be used for the 5.55 GEN-D3 CFW, so putting it in simpler terms, it means that all the data i've saved on the games i've played thus far hve been rendered useless with the input of this new CFW .

.. which is actually not much, considering the solid fact that i bought my PSP with the sole intention of playing DJ Max alone, albeit straying to other games .

haha, but fuck cares .
Kingdom Hearts, whoo !

i've half a mind to brg my PSP to play @ sch when it re-opens .
only cause napping sucks so much mre when i can't even slp well .

noise pollution, darn adamantine desk, being awoken by my mysteriously kinetic chair & .. i'm sure you get what i'm implying .

but sigh, i'm just afraid for the safety of my PSP .
brging mangas to sch may be a btr option, huh ? :/

kay, so aft getting my PSP fixed, headed for Pan-In-The-Box .
wanted to ask uncle abt the price of Medusa's hoodie, tailor-made .

he was out for lunch though, so i asked the shop assistant instead .
decided to email them the pics in the end cause they need clear ones .

(i printed the designs of Medusa's hoodie i cld find floating on the net, but i guess it was too blurry .)

went to COMEX 2010 nxt, where i think my hell promptly started .
was pushed left & right by the bustling crowd in that enormous hall .

had to hang on to my bro's sleeve for dear life & shuffled my feet behind him .

walking to the booth where the camera for our mom was located in, talking abt the details, queueing for its payment & then its collection took us ard an hr, all due to the sheer number of pple present in the halls .

i think i looked half-dead aftwards, enough for my bro to kindly offer that he buy his other stuff (his desktop comp, mom's laptop & maybe a LCD TV) tmr .

immediately brightened up, but we went off only aft buying a pair of earphones .
since i'm considering brging my PSP to sch, i want to use a proper pair for it .

my handphone's earphones is, as everyone knws of Sony Ericcson's earphones, extremely short when disconnected frm the cord meant for Sony Ericcson's phones .

i don't want to turn blind by playing my PSP less than 5cm away frm my face .
needed a pair of superior earphones to enjoy my own world in any case, so yeah .

wanted to go for the red earphones, but it looked so pink, i chose green instead .

headed for the arcade in Marina Square aftwards .
competed against my bro in a few games (& lost D:) .

played this shooting game (pirate-themed) where the seats & screen were enclosed in a ~~vehicle~~ boat-like simulator, & boy, was it fun (albeit expensive) .

cldn't aim properly when the simulator jolted though, as fun as it was . xD
went to Prize Stage nxt, where my bro & i simply stood ard, observing others .

there was a ~~filthy rich~~ guy who kept @ the Stitch UFO catcher .
apparently, one cld exchange the smaller Stitch for a much btr prize .

by that, i'm referring to an approximately 4 sizes bigger Stitch soft toy .
an img ? that Stitch is a little shorter, or even the same height as me .

such a good deal can't possibly exist, right ?
that's right, cause there's a catch to this .

you've to win that normal-sized Stitch 8 effin' times to exchange it for the life-sized Stitch .

watched for a long while & that guy eventually gave up .
he won it 3 times & settled for another Stitch soft toy .

(the size of that Stitch is in-between the normal-sized & life-sized Stitches .)

walked ard aftwards, trying to eye for some easy targets .
cldn't find any (or mre accurately, no soft toy caught my eye) .

walked bck to the Stitch UFO catcher, but was eyeing the catcher nxt to it .
it was full of Squeeze Toy Aliens &, why yes, even pink Yogi bears were there .

i wasn't eyeing those soft toys though, but the ones hanging @ the top right .
a fluffy & generally huge Zero as well as a rnd Jack Skellington right below it .

asked the shop assistant if the Squeeze Toy Alien cld be exchanged for Zero aft it's caught & she replied affirmatively . :D

we then set abt trying to catch that Squeeze Toy Alien to exchange for my Zero .
intially, i had this diminutive fear growing @ the btm of my heart for our $ .

aft all, my dad did spend quite a bit during our time in Arcadia last yr .
(of course, he caught all 3 Naruto cushions in the end, so all's well .)

however, my bro is a genius .
he had Lady Luck as well . :D

somehow or the other, aft a mere 6 tries (with the 1st given to me), we managed to get that Squeeze Toy Alien dwn the hole .

bro did a victory pose while i jumped for joy .
we were simply so euphoric & plain mirthful . xD

received my Zero soft toy, fluffy & all .
thk you SFM & i love you SFM, dear bro !

P/S: I hugged my Zero soft toy all the way on the MRT ride home. <3

P/P/S: Off-topic, but anyone wants some coaching during the holidays?
Not planning to rot at home, so may as well make myself useful.

am off to go to slp, ciao ! (:

2010-09-02T23:11:00.002+08:00

went to COMEX 2010 with my bro tdy .

met up with him @ Suntec City as he went in the morn' .
boy, was it crowded & full of (literally) shiny gems . <3

he took me ard since he had alr finished exploring all the booths .
there was this salesman with a whistle that's as huge as his face .

i kid you not, & i had to stifle my laughter when i walked past .
(don't get me wrong now, my laughter is directed @ the whistle .)

there were sales everywhere, so it was baffling yet comprehensible @ the same time .

stopped by many booths to openly admire the huge LCD screens, adorable (albeit expensive) cameras, high quality speakers & sleek headphones before we headed towards the booths for handphones .

told my bro i want a touch-screen phone nxt yr, so he introduced the HTC touch-screen phone to me, though i didn't like it .

wasn't satisfied even aft viewing the Blackberries, iPhones & LG phones .
once a Sony Ericsson user, always a Sony Ericsson user @ heart . xD

so, we headed for the Sony Ericcson booth & voila !
Sony Ericsson Xperia™ X10, my babaye, wait for me .

i'm going to get you during the I.T. fair nxt yr . >D
headed for Bugis aft we were done, to submit my form .

quickly became lost sheep though, due to my failure of a proper check of the JCSS's location (as i only knew it was in Bugis) .

aft an hr of getting nowhere with our search, we gave up .
sry bro, i didn't mean to drag you ard with your injury . :/

headed for Iluma instead .

is this kewt or wut ? *-*

Cloud ! >w<

checked out the Otaku House before we went to the arcade .
played a few games here & there, & jubeat's as fun as ever .

speaking of which, finally, there are jubeat machines @ Northpoint's Timezone as well !

now, i'll hve a new game to train myself on . xD
can't wait till i'll be able to play Love & Joy .

was quite late by the time we finished & headed home .

Iluma's as pretty as ever . (:

was greeted by a beautiful silver wig the moment i stepped into the hse .
my mom bought another 1 for me as the prev wig wasn't long enough .

also, she bought 4 other cheap ones for me to practice cutting & styling on .
awesome mom is awesome, fantabulous, wondrous & plain amazing, okay ? <3

she bought a new watch for me as well .
old one was worn beyond repair . d:

thks agn, mom .
ILY SFM . >w<

am off to catch up on the updates i've missed . ciao !

2010-08-30T22:02:00.001+08:00

OTANJOUBI OMEDETOU, MATSUJUN ! ♥

~~always stay good-looking in that hoodie of yours . 8Db~~
happy 27th bday & i hope you enjoyed your surprise . (:

(he seemed pleasantly delighted enough when Machiko-mama suddenly waltzed in & asked, "Taiga, tomorrow's your birthday?" cause ~~i'm sure Taiga's bday isn't on the 30th of August~~ he was in the middle of acting out a scene . xD)

& my photo's up @ The Official Teenage Magazine's FB .

pls 'Like' the photo if you like it .
(click on me for the FB link .)

you hve to 'Like' The Official Teenage Magazine first, though .
sry abt all the hassle, & i just want to dedicate this to everyone .

"I love you all so fucking much, I really do."
over a 100 'Likes' within a single day ? woah .

it doesn't even matter whether i'll be able to pass the preliminaries cause i'm filled so full with gratitude & appreciation, i don't mind anymre .

(of course, not saying i'm going to forsake the $2,000 .
the prize money is one thing, my gratitude is another .)

but, yeah . :D
thks, y'all .

am off to translate Arashi ni Shiyagare . ciao !

2010-08-29T23:14:00.001+08:00

photoshoot was a brilliant success . xD

started preparing aft we had our lunch .
my mom had to help me put on the dress .

aft hooking on the X-Laws symbol (created by my bro ytd), make-up was put on me .
but that was aft putting in that pair of fiery orange contact lenses into my eyes .

i swear my mom has magical make-up skills cause, wow, my eyes seemed bigger all of a sudden .

intially, i was uneasy & nervous .
didn't hve the confidence needed .

but, once the make-up & the wig were in its places ..
rly, i wondered why i even had to doubt myself .

with such an amazing mom, she made me resemble Iron Maiden Jeanne .
gradually, i started to lean towards her character & personality as well .

i felt, knew, that i cld pose as Jeanne .
headed towards the park & started searching .

(bro was the 1 who did the searching for a nice location, actually . xD)

that's where i sat .

*glares*

was incredibly OOC @ the beginning & gave a pair of dead fish eyes .

my bro, who loves to snap when the model has yet to pose .

slowly got into character & ..

ta-da ! (submitted this for Teenage Cosplay 2010 . :D)

Jeanne is tired . D:

i'll give you my honest opinion ; i look like a maid here .

trying to think of another pose .

with my hand jabbed at my hip .

"Ah!"

*nice pose strikes in*

"Yo, I'm looking down on at you."

agn, i look like a maid . >.>

"Hi thar, Mirror-san."
(kidding, was trying to make some new expressions .)

"I have a score to settle with you, Tree-san."

*trying to sic Shamash on Tree-san*

i kid for the above 2 captions, was still trying to get into character . xD

Jeanne is pondering over the sign .

"I'm Kororo!"

i almost sent this in for submission, but thinking abt it, it's OOC for Jeanne to act like Kororo . :/

bro managed to catch this 'holy light' by chance . xD

photos frm this point onwards are utterly OOC as they're just .. me . d:

was exhausted by the time i got home, so i sat on the flr .
.. & got the idea of laying dwn, telling my bro to snap it .

:D

am off to catch up on the updates i've missed . ciao !

2010-08-28T23:21:00.002+08:00

my revered cosplayer .

take a look @ Naruto: Shippuuden's 6th ending .
then, watch the slideshow frm the Tuxedo Team .

awesome or wut ? 8Db

kay, i'll admit, it's cause i stumbled across Jin's dA pg .
that's the impetus for my impulsive return to cosplaying .

but honestly, i'm not sure if one will be able to remain impassive to cosplaying aft going through Jin's photoshoots with her Tuxedo Team, animanga fan or not .

there's this .

& this .

& this .

& this ! (kay, it's not related to cosplaying, but rly . xD)

i'm just utterly smitten with how cosplay can be portrayed so .. breathtakingly .
(was a greenhorn bck in the days of 2007 & knew nxt to nothing abt this world .)

also, no doubt it'll be fun investigating how to do those wigs, eyes, make-up, props, costumes etc .

(it'll kill my boredom cause i've been doing nothing but marathoning on animes .
hve been chionging on all those series that nowadays, i feel a little estranged .)

donning on a proper look, cosplaying, looking for locations to hold photoshoots, the photoshoot itself, the enjoyment in the process, the satisfaction frm hving done something you're proud & happy with ~~as well as being a stress reliever~~ ..

man, i'm so enthused right nao .

there's a vague, bitter memory that has left its footprints in my mind .
once upon a time (or just a few mths ago), i lost sight of my purpose .

i knew, felt, i was in love with English itself, but to be honest, i didn't see the fucking purpose in attaining a brilliant L1R2B2 to get into Mass Communication .

living my everyday life was a drag .
sch was simply intolerable & shitty .

i wanted everything to be done & over with & cldn't pump my spirit into anything i did .

what's the use of working my ass off ?
also, contrary to popular belief, no .

i do not study like some lifeless nerd @ home .
(i watch J-Dramas / animes like a lifeless otaku .)

in fact, i've nvr studied before, save flipping through the t/b the night before the exam for the respective subj .

i may seem conceited (maybe, i am), but i'm tired of pple siccing comments or suspecting that my dark eyebags are due to some utterly nerdy studying on my part .

just pay the fucking due atn in class .
just do the fucking h/w you're given .

even if you can't score an A, a B is definite .
if you've only paid half the due atn, then a C .

but i can assure you, no single soul in the express stream will be capable of failing their exams if they've paid @ least half of the required atn & h/w .

stop regarding me as an intelligent freak who's blessed when you realise i don't study, albeit the fact that i'm aware of being extremely blessed to be born under the circumstances i'm in, what with my awesome parents & fantabulous bro who seem to be able to put up with just any rant, mood & plain shit i throw @ them .

.. anyway .

when you've hit rock btm, the only way left is up .
forcefully exerting energy into my legs, standing up .

picking myself up, cause i refused to lose to the likes of this .
i received my Arashi concert DVD & my heart palpitated .

& if possible, fall even mre head over heels in love with this sparkly rainbow .
but it made the situation that much worse cause, where the fuck am i stuck in ?

when the fuck can i fly there ?

my days passed while i pondered over accommodating myself mre comfortably in sch .
the main reason i'm so irritable is due to the noise pollution i can't nap in .

yes, you brilliant folk over there, that's when i started to plug in my earphones & tune out the foreign, outside world .

everywhere i went, the earphones were in my ears .
Arashi soothes me, so i didn't give a fuck anymre .

if everyone's going to be that happy-go-lucky & seemingly ignorant, hell if i wld let them intrude on my personal bubble of happiness .

it worked beautifully .
diminishing with a poof .

that's also when my life started to get bck on track .
i went bck to the stuff that brought me happiness .

was on a J-Drama marathon @ a point in my life, but i went bck to animes .
i pursued & craved for that gap in my heart to be filled, & it was fulfilled .

(an anime is like a novel, if you want the truth frm me .)

slowly, but surely, i felt like smiling agn .
then, a few wks ago, i was surfing the net .

landed on a dA pg & was faced with 1 of the most brilliant Naruto cosplayers i've seen .

intitally clicked ard the links in that dA pg out of pure curiosty & interest .
that spanned into a few hrs as i browsed through the journal entries there .

Jin wrote this on a certain journal entry .

Why don't you just stop posting online altogether to save yourself the trouble?

I've mentioned earlier that sharing through writing is a part of who I am. Furthermore, it makes me happy that I'm able to somehow touch the lives of people who are on the other side of the world, to make them smile or laugh when they need it, to give them reassurance that the world is a nicer place than they might think.

Someone sent me a letter to let me know that I may have saved her life just by being myself. When she was on the verge of taking her life, she read something of mine and realized she could still laugh. If I can help people like that keep going, I don't mind taking on some extra lashings from people who find reasons to hate me for what I do. It seems I can't fight my messianic tendencies, haha. And I wouldn't have met some of my closest and most trusted friends if I had just left.

As I shared here: Someone once told me that I was able to make them smile even after they just had the worst day of their life. I'm not entirely sure what it is, but I must be doing something right.

i can empathise cause yes, i did smile @ the etherealness of the photos aft being awed limp, i did laugh @ the Tuxedo Team's silly antics & it did give me the assurance that sch is not the only place my life is supposed to be in .

i was also most certainly touched by that entry Jin made .

i realised that the world is a much vaster place than i've narrowed it dwn to be .
& then, the urge to cosplay surged across my body once agn, & my heart palpitated .

right now, it's the first time i've been this excited, pumped up & full of vigour ever since i can rmb .

"Ah. I'm not wasting my life. I'll enjoy it to its fullest extent.
Even I, such a worthless me, deserve this tiny bit of happiness."

Thank you, Jin. (:

2010-08-27T23:46:00.000+08:00

so, i discovered i was still obsessed with Naru the other day .

my discovery came along with a hidden surprise .
.. once upon a time, i simply loved cosplaying .

ta-da !

my cosplaying spirit came bck to me as well .
signed up as Iron Maiden Jeanne for EOY'10 .

going as a solo Star Gladiator for AFA'10 .
(cause i've yet to wear this costume as well .)

stumbled across the Teenage Cosplay 2010 held by the Teenage Magazine .
(click here for the details & here for the participants / cosplayers .)

i'm in luck that the date has been extended to the 31st of August, so i've a chance to participate . >D

only a 2 mere days for others to vote for me as the photoshoot's on Sunday .
still, i hope i'll hve enough votes for me to move on frm the preliminaries .

~~i'm actually aiming for that cash & prizes of up to $2,000 to cover the cost for my Arashi concert ticket .~~

will post the pics on Sunday, both in my blog & on FB .
do 'Like' it if you like it, & not just for my sake, kay ?

i want to give it my best shot & simply see how far i can go . (:
bro's photography skills count as well, so it's a combined effort .

hee, am off to go to slp . ciao !

2010-08-26T20:10:00.006+08:00

screenshots in before TLTR post makes its appearance .

.. i want that STAY BEAUTIFUL cap of Ichigo's .
(this is the cover for a single of the same name .)

& yes, Naru, you're absolutely sexaye in that 2nd screenshot . <3
anyhoo, plenty of updates frm here on out, so scram if it's TLTR .

1. The fifth single from Arashi of the year came out for pre-ordering yesterday.

goes without saying that i readily added the LE to my cart & paid for it .
was wondering why the pre-order for the LE got sold out so slowly, though .

reason was revealed in a mail i received frm CDJapan tdy, & it made my chest swell with pride .

since their server always crashes whenever a pre-order for Arashi's single is out (all hail the might of Arashi fans !), they decided to process Dear Snow by not opening the pre-order for it as soon as they received the details by informing others via the website before they send the New Release Mail to subscribers .

instead, they reversed the steps and sent the New Release Mail before informing others via the website, effectively preventing the server frm crashing as the flow of traffic is significantly reduced .

they achieved this by including an exclusive link in the New Release Mail ;
there was no other way to get to the pg aside frm that link itself .

here's the reason, or the quote, as to why my chest swelled with pride .
"Please note that Arashi is the only artist that we would handle this way."

makes me wonder how i even managed to grasp a hold on their concert ticket .
.. wait, concert ticket ? what the fuck am i talking abt, right ? muahaha . >D

2. Listen up, 野郎共! I found a seller for Arashi's concert ticket!

okay, the world is neither that sparkly nor is it filled with unicorns .
the ticket is being sold @ a market price of ¥68,000 (~S$1,090) .

i've gone bonkers ?
that's a given .

the original price, the ticket that's balloted by the FC members, is a mere ¥7,000 (~S$112) .

behold the prowess of Arashi !
.. yes, i shldn't joke ard, shld i ?

which is why, my mom is asking her affiliates to find a cheaper ticket .
(currently, the cheapest ticket i can find on the net is ¥35,000 (~S$562) .)

if it can't be fnd, i'll simply hve to go for that $1,000 ticket . ):
in any case, with or without the ticket, i'm going to Tokyo Dome !

mainly there to buy the concert goods, but also to hear the boys sing . :D
(& maybe fangirl with the other Arashi fans standing outside the dome .)

& yeah, will be making a sales post for the concert goods frm Tokyo Dome .
a special price will be offered to frds (though i doubt any of you are fans) .

simply can't wait for November to arrive .
it's like a treat aft the O'lvls is over . >w<

3. The Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT) is going to be held on the 5th of December.

i'm going to take up Japanese lessons during the year-end hols, but i can skip the beginner's course since i reckon i'm skilled enough with basic Japanese, so i'm going to take lv N5 on the 5th of December .

yeah, nothing to elaborate on here .
just wanted to post this update . (:

man, i feel refreshed aft typing this much .
all right, hry up & come, you darned O'lvls !

you're making the two & a half mths wait till my paradise a living hell . D:<
i'll get you over & done with, attend the AFA (forgot abt it last yr) & voila !

off to Japan i go . <3
am getting hyped up .

kay, am off to translate Arashi ni Shiyagare . ciao ! :D

2010-08-23T21:09:00.002+08:00

once upon a time, i was obsessed with Naru .

.. right now, i think i still am . <3

the 3 screenshots where he mimicked Iruka, Kakashi & Jiraiya are epic .
esp the way he literally turned into a dolphin, a scarecrow & Goku . xD

just kidding abt the last part, but his long hair resembled Goku mre than Jiraiya (to me), even if he was putting on a perverted expression .

oh, & yeah, i've picked up on Naruto: Shippuuden aft Bleach .
(i've got to be impartial though, i prefer the latter much mre .)

cld it be the artwork, the plot or simply the fighting styles ?
i don't knw, but @ the vry least, Ichigo has much nicer orbs . x:

kay, am off to translate Arashi ni Shiyagare . ciao !

2010-08-21T23:07:00.004+08:00

夏祭り２０１０、最高でした！<3

shall give a thorough acc of tdy, just because .
took ard an hr to don my kimono properly . :0

set off @ ard 4pm, to rendezvous with dad who has been queueing since morn' .

met up @ 4.30pm & stood in line, waiting for 5pm to arrive .

(horrible of me to hve made my dad queue since morn', but it was worth it, rly .
goddamn terribly long line was goddamn terribly long and sort of horrifying .)

entered, received our uchiwas & off we ventured !

1st, to buy that apple candy that sells out in a matter of minutes .
nxt, to play the games & get those little, adorable prizes . 8Db

however, luck clearly wasn't on my side .

queueing for the 1st game, where the tennis ball has to be thrown into the bucket .

bro got a pen that resembles a straw . i got a, yes, little & adorable jelly .

the nxt game, where the tiny ball has to thrown through the hole .

bro got a pencil with a tiny & cute figure on it . i got a, yes, little & adorable lollipop . whoo .

anyway, browsed the other stalls aftwards . xD
mom bought some earrings & gave me a pair .

cldn't find the stall for fishing yo-yo balloons, so we were wandering like lost sheep for a while .
spotted a yo-yo balloon carrier moments later & pounced on the opportunity to enquire abt its location .

fnd it, along with 2 other game stalls .

headed straight for the stall to fish the yo-yo balloon with my bro .
bro's paper line broke aft being soaked for too long, while mine didn't .

mine only broke when it did its best to defy gravity with the weight of the yo-yo balloon . ):

however ! the ojii-san took pity & told me to take it anyway . 8D
skipped away like a little girl with her candy to the other stalls .

(try to spot us ; enlarge the pic by clicking on it . >w<)
waiting for bro to buy the game coupons .

(try to spot us ; enlarge the pic by clicking on it . >w<)
heading for the shooting stall aft hving tried our hands on the lucky 'string' .

it's the same as a lucky draw, except that it's a string instead of a piece of paper .
grand prize's an enormous Minnie Mouse / Tweety soft toy that made me gape .

(before i squealed & tugged on my bro's sleeve in raw excitement .)
but of course, we weren't that lucky enough to hit anything near .

(in fact, bro managed to tug on a string connected to a T-shirt .
mine was connected to, surprise, surprise, a packet of peas !)

-_-;

my pretty, black yo-yo balloon . :D

toy bullets for the shooting game (that i stuck on my uchiwa) .

can you see the full moon ?

shooting game was tougher than expected .
bro didn't hit through the hole with the paper .

he shot a packet of Pretz, though, & i guess that's much btr than my tiny packet of jelly beans (that i got without hving landed my bullet on anything) .

stomachs were rumbling aft that & we decided to buy our dinner .
sadly enough, most of the food stalls hve alr sold their stocks out .

walked all the way to Block 4 before we realised with a happy start that none of the food stalls there hve sold out, at all, & bought our dinners & drinks .

my chicken curry rice & royal milk tea . :D

the apple candy i mentioned earlier . (:

Kyasha approves of this tiny packet of jelly beans she got from the shooting game . 8Db

family mentioned it's like a staircase, the way our heights descend . :/

behold, my pretty yo-yo balloon defying gravity !

my dear bro is being scary . he has hidden his left arm & it seems so real . >.>

went on to the bon odori held @ the field .
a humongous circle had alr been erected . (:

my bro & i, joining in on the mass dance . :D

learning the dance steps frm the dancers on stg .

pardon the blurry imgs cause we were dancing . x:

danced to several songs, including Chan Mali Chan & Rasa Sayang, as well as the traditional Japanese folk songs & even Gake no Ue no Ponyo . xD

when the last few songs were being played, the emcee asked for poly & Ahmad Ibrahim sec students to join them on stg .
(specifications were made for all the songs, ranging frm children, adults, the Japanese soccer team as well as the poly students .)

was obviously shocked (& a little appalled), but didn't dare to go up .
bro encouraged me though, & we agreed to go on the stg for the nxt song .

ironically, the nxt song was abt S'pore .
(i think it is entitled as Singapore .)

emcee specified for "People who have yet to come up on stage."
happily went up & danced along to our hearts' contents . 8D

bon odori ended abt an hr later .
exhausted, we retired frm the field .

but, oh, i cldn't resist frm dancing along to Y.M.C.A. when it was played . >w<

pple were still in the field, dancing along to the English songs being played .

among them, there were Macarena (that i initially mistook for Crazy Frog) & We Will Rock You . xD

sat for a while longer before we decided to head home .
went out & tiredly waited for the taxi we called up .

reached home, & while waiting for our mom to fetch a bucket of water for washing our muddy feet, bro & i danced along to Rasa Sayang @ our door steps, sung horribly out of tune in a state of an adrenaline rush by yours truly . xD

unwinded & chatted abt the day's events aftwards, where i felt guilty when i saw my dad's arm .

sun still got to him even though he was in the shade . ):
rly sry dad . i'm honestly appreciative for what you did .

(fret not, though . i'll hve advance tics nxt yr ! 8D)

pens i bought, Lust figure frm a lucky draw & Leo earrings given by my mom . :D

yo-yo balloon, schedule for the day & the 3 diff uchiwas .

unrelated to tdy's events, but received my red buckle bracelet the other day . >w<

this T-shirt too, it's a belated bday present frm my mom . ^-^
(do 'Red Pineapple' & the skull ring a bell for anyone ?)

added my own design to this $60 hoodie . >3

whew, am off to go to slp now .
legs are screaming @ me . d:

think i overdid it @ the bon odori .
they're sure to hurt like fuck tmr .

oh well, ciao !

2010-08-20T23:56:00.004+08:00

brace yourself for pics & screenshots . 8D

of a world of snarling kitties .

& sparkly rainbows !

.. kay, captions were utterly random .
1st pic was simply taken on a whim .

2nd is of the venue-limited pin badges for Kokuritsu frm ARASHI 10-11 TOUR “Scene” ～君と僕の見ている風景～ .
it's ard $8, but when the (idiotically) expensive shipping fees are included, $20 is the cheapest i can get it for . :/

sigh .. but whatever . 8Db
pretty badges are pretty .

anyway, translated bits of the most recent VS Arashi episode, where Sho-kun laughs too much & Oh-chan turns back into the magnificently baked fisherman we've missed . ♥

Sho-kun: Dad, this is a little... Dad, you got a little sunburnt, didn't you?

Sho-kun: No, can you please stop showing that face that seems to say "don't you touch on that topic"?
Nino: Um... From here, the colors from here to here are completely different.
Sho-kun: This color and...
Aiba-chan: It's such a deep red.
Nino: It's completely different, right? These colors.

MatsuJun: About that, what are you going to do when you wear the outfits during concerts?
Nino: What are you going to do?
Sho-kun: Seriously.
Aiba-chan: They were really angered with you, right?

MatsuJun: Cover that nipple of yours!
Sho-kun: As expected, it's due to fishing?
Oh-chan: I went, but I couldn't fish anything.
Sho-kun: I see.

Nino: "Then I'll go again," it won't turn out that way!
Sho-kun: Let's do it!

Sho-kun: Let's start VS Arashi!
Nino: Let's do it, let's do it.

*

Nino: What are you laughing about, you over there!? Oi!

Aiba-chan: Eh?
Ito-san: Aiba-kun scored 120 points!
Aiba-chan: Thank you very much.
Nino: Why-
Oh-chan: Why did you laugh?
Nino: Why did you laugh?
MatsuJun: Why- Why did you laugh in the middle of the game?
Sho-kun: Well... When the second pink ball came, when it fell, I was hit by Terry-san with a thud.
Terry-san: That's because-
Sho-kun: That was amusing~
Terry-san: I said I'd definitely leave the pink ball to him!
Nino: Oh!
MatsuJun: That's true, right?
Terry-san: What happened to you?
Nino: Everyone is serious! Everyone is serious to that extent.
Oh-chan: That's right.
MatsuJun: That's right.
Nino: You're the only one who's laughing!
Aiba-chan: Why are you laughing?
Sho-kun: I was hit here... (laugh)

*

Ito-san: Sakurai-kun.
Sho-kun: Yes?
Ito-san: This is the results of Giant Crush after being offensive.
Sho-kun: That's true. It was a wrong judgement on our part.
Nino: Who is it? The guy who opted for green block number 12.
Aiba-chan: Who is the guy who said it? Apologise first in any case.
MatsuJun: Who is it?
Sho-kun: I'll just say this... It's me and you.

Sho-kun: It's me and you.

*

Yama Pair is absolutely .

epic in this episode of VS Arashi . xD

*

Aiba-chan: I understand, I understand. Then, I'll do this by playing it by ear.
Terry-san: I've got it. Let's do it.
Sho-kun: Aren't you the weakest in playing it by ear? Are you going to be all right?

Aiba-chan: Yes?
Nino: Aiba-san, are you going to be all right?
Aiba-chan: Eh? I'm the weakest at it, but it's my most favorite word.
Sho-kun: I see.
Aiba-chan: Yeah, it's my most favorite among four-character idioms.

*

Ito-san: Mizobata-san.
Mizobata: Yes?
Ito-san: You have a great responsibility laying on you.
Mizobata: That's true. Behind me, um, because Arashi-san is there, it puts an amazing amount of pressure on me somehow.

Mizobata: Like, at places where I can't see-
Aibu-san: Places where you can't see. (laugh)

am off to watch Naruto Shippuuden . ciao ! :D

2010-08-18T21:36:00.001+08:00

i managed to wriggle my happy butt out frm re-taking my O'lvls Mother Tongue . 8Db

oh, C5 may seem like an awful grade, but i'm satisfied & that's what matters, right ?
i can actually pass my Mother Tongue, so i believe i deserve the right to be glad .

(you guys don't knw how Chinese can seem like frightening, foreign words to me @ times, even though i can translate frm Japanese, a language that contains Chinese characters, to a considerable extent .)

in any case, it's all been solved & i'm a merry girl right now . 8Db
.. i felt like typing so much mre a while earlier, but it's all gone .

oh, my O'lvls English oral went great . :D
(though i swear my butt almost rotted .)

hope it's not plain confidence & denial i've here cause i think i'll be extremely heart-broken if that turns out to be the case .

& .. urgh, i can't concentrate .
i'm like a messy conglomeration .

i don't even knw what that particular conglomeration contains .
i'll just read through my History t/b to prepare for tmr . ciao . >.>

2010-08-15T20:40:00.001+08:00

They say, "Humans aren't meant to live in isolation."

"They crumble without interaction.
Their personality chips off with time.

They turn into a messy conglomeration of raw emotions.
They don't know how to let everything flow out.

Like a balloon. Slowly and surely.
Everything's fine, even at its limits.

It can contain the air. It refuses to admit a limit.
And then, beautifully, ever so ethereal. Pop."

Bye-bye, you sad, pathetic balloon.

2010-08-11T20:56:00.002+08:00

"A piece of cake" the preliminaries shall be.

oh, i sound like i'm on my high horse ?
of course, my adrenaline's pumpin' now .

1. Cakes (Read: Sweets, desserts and anything that's sugary in general.) are my mistresses. A huge thanks to GuangLiang for the fantabulous present. >w<

2. Japan, aloha! I'm heading straight for you directly after my O'levels. (Other suckers, meanwhile, will be stuck at teh promz. I'll be enjoying Japan for an entire week in its glory, on the other hand. Hoho. 8Db)

& why, yes, i'm simply thrilled that the prelims are ard the corner .

i don't hve to study for it, the environment will be peaceful, i get to go home early, i can finally relax, the days will pass with mre ease, the day i receive my Wii will draw closer & .. i don't hve to study for it .

hah, i'm being conceited, but wutever . 8Db

.. okay, fine, i'm just invigorated by the upcoming Natsu Matsuri . <3
whoo, i'm enthused now, but i don't knw where to direct all this energy .

nvm, am off to translate Arashi ni Shiyagare . ciao !

2010-08-08T23:56:00.003+08:00

awesome day is awesomeeee . 8Db

thks to everyone who wished me a happy bday .
not exaggerating when i say i was surprised .

couzs, pri sch frds, karate mates, Sec 1/2 buds sent me msgs .
pple whom i didn't even expect to knw my bday, wished me .

i'm just .. @ a loss for words .
thk you all so much, rly . <3

lunched with my family @ Mandarin Orchard Hotel, Triple Three .

shopped in Ngee Ann City & Wisma Atria aftwards .
(where i managed to buy 4 presents in 1 go . >D)

dawdled in Books Kinokuniya (with my parents looking @ Japan travel guides while i dragged my bro ard, pointing & squealing @ random mags with Arashi on their covers xD) .

cabbed home aft we were done & was dropped off @ Northpoint .
played @ the arcade while waiting for GuiYu ahma to arrive . (:

was picked up by Geneva & her dad aft i received the presents frm ahma .

basically, we (GuangLiang, ShuHong, PueyEi, SiLi & i) chatted, screamed, played, ran, sweated, celebrated & .. gambled (where i won $4, hey) . >w<

took the bus bck with GuangLiang ard 10pm .

throat's all raw & itchy, what with all the screaming i did .
but, well, i cldn't help it cause i was seated nxt to PueyEi .

"Picture! Picture! Picture! Haha, bao liao! Pay us double!"
(i assure you it's much mre high-pitched than it seems .)

anyway, thk you to GuiYu ahma, JiaQian & Jordan for these presents . :D

(GuangLiang, i'm waiting for mine 3 days later . >3)
hee, am off to watch Bleach . ciao !

2010-08-07T22:32:00.002+08:00

i'm sick .

literally, sick & dwn with a damned cold .
i've all the symptoms except for the fever .

a runny nose that can't sneezing, an itchy throat that can't stop forcing coughs out, a slight migraine, an aching bck & a sore, rumbly voice (which i find is cool to a certain extent, but c'mon) to top it off .

but oh, i'm in a pleasant mood .
cause i've learnt to be optimistic .

last yr, i fell sick, twice .
during my exams & bday .

this yr, i've only fallen sick twice .
during my exams & bday, agn .

however, & i can't stress enough on however ..
this points to several matters i shld be grateful for .

1. Most probably, I won't be falling sick anymore for the rest of the year because two's my average, annually. Which leads to? A healthy and energetic self for the O'levels ahead.

2. I was down with a fucking high fever on my birthday last year. Not only am I not down with a fever this year, my body has already recovered for the most part because I took my medication the moment I felt the mechanicals in my body slowing down. I'd say I'm one lucky bitch. >D

but anyway, i'm here to share screenshots .

cause i find Hyourinmaru kewt . >3

& cause i was bored when i ditched class .

hoho, am off to watch Bleach . ciao ! :D

2010-08-04T21:48:00.003+08:00

oh, Bleach is the 1 & only anime whose fillers i'll love .

(unless i manage to stumble across another that has a producer that manages brilliantly well on his / her own while waiting for the mangaka to draw a few mre volumes before allowing the anime to catch up, like director Abe . :3)

attractive abdominal muscles there, Ichigo & Byakuya . 8Db

Toushirou in a singlet with that bck of his facing the viewers = drool-worthy .

hve i ever stated that i think Toushirou's cool as hell ? (literally & figuratively . d:)

.. on second thoughts, nah, he's only kewt as hell . <3

esp when Momo's ard, calls him Shirou-chan & reveals .

his love for sweet fermented beans . xD

kay, switching the topic, happy #scenery day !
didn't tweet much ~~scratch that, tweeted only once~~ .

#scenery didn't trend anyway, so .. x:
in any case, the album's sales is mre impt .

can't wait for my Boku no Miteiru Fuukei (LE) to arrive .
has been dispatched tdy, so i'm filled with anticipation .

all right, am off to watch Bleach . ciao . >w<

2010-08-03T22:17:00.007+08:00

HAPPY BDAY MICHELLE ! :D

day's been great, until someone wrecked it with a single msg .
don't knw if she's aware, but she succeeded in making me dubious .

but oh, of course, she'll always hve precedence over me, is that it ?
unfortunately, i doubt my mentality's that flaccid or prone to ambiguity .

albeit fleeting for just that fucking moment when i read the msg .

well, that doesn't rly matter since i knw i've every right to shower myself in heaps of praises and pats on the bck for everything i've exerted my utmost efforts in .

i can stick my head up high, my chest swelling with pride, looking up & up .
hell if you can brg my glance dwn, cause you don't even possess the authority .

even if i had the slightest hint of a dreadful forethought growing within me the moment i accepted (& regretted), i went ahead by suppressing it with the simple & concise thought of "Even idiots deserve the one chance to redeem themselves."

seems like you're an incorrigible idiot through & through .
knw what ? fuck cares anymre, i'm washing my hands off you .

you shall no longer contaminate my thoughts & sully my halcyon days .
i'll not, never, approve or acknowledge you cause you don't deserve it .

so there .
scram .

bck to the blithe stuff . :D

i'm so glad i skipped the mock exam ytd .
got home, checked my inbox, & what do you knw ?

pre-order for Lφve Rainbow was out, but a dread was spiralling out of control within me .

i glanced at the time immediately, & it was 3.19pm .
with a furtive glance, i dared myself to look at it .

the e-mail was sent ard 10 in the morn' .
"Oh gawrd, please don't do this to me."

but when i clicked on the link for the LE, voila !
you've no idea how hasty i was when i ordered it .

there were only a mere 2 copies left ~~so it's a given i was hasty, bastard~~ .

that made my day, honestly . 8D
also, here are some updates frm ytd .

the strap of my bag broke (agn), albeit being the right strap this time .
i think i was so giddy with mirth ytd, i completely forgot abt fixing it .

therefore, i knew i was going to be late when my mom informed me of my forgetfulness to hand my bag over to her for some ~~sewing~~ fixing in the morn' .

i was considering staying at home, all right ?
but, you knw, i alr hve plans for Friday . x:

(in a nutshell for retards who can't read beyond this, i was planning on skipping sch that day .)

but i let my mom fix my bag 1st, in any case .
i got rdy for sch & went dwn aft it was fixed .

i was waiting at the bus-stop at 7.18am, knwing it was hopeless & yet, still considering my options .
then, i decided to waste $5 on the taxi fare cause i cldn't decide if i want to skip sch tdy or on Friday .

in other words, i went to (the sophomoric) sch anyway .
oh, & i saved 15 cents cause the driver's just that nice .

all in all, my day has been nice (as i've stated right in the beginning, but of course, somebody's just out to assume she can mock & give me a downright insult without my retaliation, cause she believes i must be some condescending snob who thinks i'm all that since i do well in my studies without studying . how abt a news flash, missy ? i am proud & maybe even conceited that i was born with much btr brains than yours cause apparently, you think slacking ard at this period of the yr can do you good & that everything will turn out fine . i sincerely hope you'll get your just deserts when you enter ITE nxt yr) .

anyway, screenshot ! :3

oh, wait until i've the time to write some IchiRuki fics ! 8D

am off to translate Arashi ni Shiyagare . ciao . :D

2010-08-01T23:26:00.005+08:00

Bleach: Fade to Black, I Call Your Name is the epitome of IchiRuki .

Kon's actually a(n) advisor / mentor under the guise of a flat character .
noticed since a while ago, but only realised when i watched this movie .

okay, fine, i'm biased & obsessed with 'Ichigo', 'Byakuya' & 'beautiful' .
what of it ? these bishies are so darn recherché at times, i can't help it .

& gawrd, i swear they're out to force my heart to jump out of my throat with their eyelashes .
(for the record, these bishies aren't the only ones . Aiba-chan's eyelashes are out to get me as well .)

but then, oh .

(above 2 screenshots are frm the anime, not the movie, btw .)

cause Shinji is the 1 & only . <3
& wow, Byakuya . just .. wow .

i cld hve mistaken this young bishie for your son without the slightest hint of malaise had the narrator not stated that this took place ard a 100 yrs ago .

(you've just made yourself into an august character for me, cause Byakuya, you've my reverence for your entire personality alone, frm your childhood to adulthood .

it's a little uncanny, cause you were actually enthusiastic in your teens before you grew into the ~~prude~~ nonchalant Byakuya everyone's so familiar with, which is why you've gained my reverence .

confusing ? well, that shld be a given ~~since i don't reckon i even understand half of the crap i'm spouting right now~~ .
i need to rant abt Bleach to get the thoughts of another gruelling wk out frm my mind ~~forever~~, so spare me .)

knw what ? i think i'll do a proper character analysis in the future .
Bleach is, honestly, too amusing & interesting for my own good .

(cause i can't keep frm squealing @ all the little quirks throughout .)
.. & i need prompts, cause i feel like writing fanfics when i'm in sch .

IchiRuki & UlquiHime has been beckoning my soul .
come to think of it, ByakuHisa & ShiYori as well .

kay, am off to watch Bleach . ciao ! 8D

2010-07-31T22:01:00.006+08:00

so much love, rly .

random snippets of my current life . 8Db

does anyone find it hilarious that Ichigo's looking etheral while Byakuya's just too kewt (& at a loss) for words ?
granted, taken frm diff eps & corners (cause Byakuya tucks this side of his away in the actual show), but well .

honestly ? i didn't knw Ichigo cld look even mre beautiful than he did in my prev screenshot of him .

& i swear, Byakuya has got to be related to Neji, one way or the other .
no sane netizen who has watched both animes wld ever dare to deny this .

VS Arashi is epic as usual, but my screenshot isn't of Arashi .
just wanted to openly admire Shizu-chan cause, wow .

she has gotten so beautiful, both literally & figuratively .

as for the last 2 pics, it's of a model-wannabe kitty who's strutting its stuff atop the mailboxes of a runway . (i kid, it's merely stretching .)
this is random, but i saw 3 cats in the span of 5 mins while walking frm my sch's front gate to the goddamned-too-far-away bus-stop .

yes, Yurfle passed away a few wks ago, but i've no plans to take in another stray cat .
(.. yet, cause i sure as hell want another cuddly kitty when / if i live in Japan in the future .)

all right, am off to translate Arashi ni Shiyagare .
may flail over IchiRuki & UlquiHime tmr . ciao ! :D

2010-07-28T23:59:00.003+08:00

Click on the kamehameha boys to head towards a world of rainbows. 8D

it's mighty high time for me to spread the love for Arashi by the means of a pimp post, courtesy of the awesome jadeswallow@LJ, who seems to hold the ability to turn ordinary netizens into ~~rabid~~ fans via the wondrous post she made .

.. okay, well, i've no proof, but i certainly enjoyed her post that took me bck to Arashi's younger days, & of course, their history .

hopefully, aft reading it, netizens who've stumbled across my blog won't be scratching their heads senseless @ my Arashi posts ever agn for i doubt they wld understand if they don't knw who the resident snarky gamer, miracle boy, muscle idiot, tanned fisher & Do-S are .

also, aft gaining a little mre elucidation on Arashi's charm, i hope ~~the universe~~ pple will be able to fathom why i'm so ~~obsessed~~ head over heels in love with them .

of course, there's a whole lot mre of stuff to learn abt Arashi for ordinary netizens to fully comprehend my seemingly inexplicable ~~& sometimes unhealthy~~ love & admiration for this miraculous grp of 5, but well .

learning a little bit mre abt them is much btr than nothing, don't you think ?

hee, & pimp post aside, my bro's operation went well tdy .
he'll be able to walk agn in a matter of a few wks . :D

kay, am off to watch Bleach . ciao !