• 11:27 PM, Monday, January 30, 2012

MY ICE EYES-

A dry spell, cracked with age.
I'd better lie back on the lenses.

So I sauntered my grand ass over to Student Affairs and snatched politely requested a copy of the application form for world domination! forming a brand new club.

Dun dun!

Kay, I was dull and listless during the morning lesson.
Jokes aside, I saw no meaning to life. Literally.

Not a suicide message, merely a realization.

Are we given any purpose in life the moment we lapped oxygen with such avaricious ferocity? No, we're merely fighting for our survival in every waking nanosecond. We're so untainted and pure and unknowing of Life.

(Pause and ask yourself, you'll find Life to be queer when we could be something entirely different. Constant questioning and second-guessing are abilities I hope I'll never lose.)

Then the cultures and fads and The Way We Should Be Defined seep into our hairlines, tiny crescent moons of fingernail marks, bridge of our noses, joints that groan with the passage of time and bam! We're products waiting to be served, judged for the fallacies we're doomed to portray.

We struggle so hard to fit in despite knowing we're circles, squares and triangles that'll never come to snuggle comfortably against one another. What makes the situation hilarious is how we turn our eyes and ears away from the elephant in the room, which prompts me to ask: Is there no elephant because everybody pretends it's invisible?

Perhaps it'll fade into the background in our disillusioned minds, but one day a brave young boy will step into the room and question the sanity of the adults. "Mom, what's wrong with everyone? I'm scared, the elephant's wrecking the room and trumpeting so loudly. Mommy! He'll stomp over me, he'll turn me into a flat pancake! I don't want to turn into a pancake as much as I love eating honey pancakes!"

And then the mother will shush her child into obedience and fibbery with all the confusion on his face.

If you get my point, great! That means I've improved on vocalizing (or in this context, typing) my thoughts. But anyway, that's not the crux, I digress.

So!

I placed my foot down today.
I, want to make a difference.

I can waste myself away and snicker at the inadequacy of the world (which, in my fantasies, prostrates upon my shiny toenails) or I can utilize this nearly deranged, trainwreck of what we call a human being to be of some service and worth to similar creatures who may or may not require intense care and help.

Putting my incessant rambles in a nutshell, the new club I want to create will cater to students with disorders, students stowed away in shadows and drapes of surrealism because, of course not, we can't expect normal creatures to comprehend why we're the way we are with a swish of our hands. This thing called Life allows for no such logic.

Acting the saviour is not my intent. I am no saviour, and neither am I in the position to "save" anyone as is anyone qualified to "save" me. There're no rescuing or eruptions of mirthful sobs, only messy clashes of emotions kept at bay a lifetime too long and, I fully hope this is within my power, a simple place to belong.

It's my selfish desire to keep myself motivated by providing a shelter I can never take back. It's my selfish desire to learn the concept of "give and take". It's my selfish desire of diving deeper, scavenging for my non-existent purpose.

I may not care about others, but my conviction remains; it's inhumane for whoever breathed the souls into our containers to mess with our genes and expect us to stumble across a Pandora's box in our lifespan.

Sometimes we do, sometimes we don't.
What happens to those who don't?

They wriggle their way out and even when they're no longer warm and blowing pretty patterns on the frozen window pane, they're labelled as cowards who've caused injustice to themselves.

...but, big words aside, I need to find 30 members or this'll never sprout the wings to fly with. Back to reality I'm thrown, oh, three tests tomorrow and my back aches again and my project's not done and

MY ICE.

EYES.

I'll get me some sleep, that sounds good, oh, it'll be good.