• 2:50 PM, Saturday, December 31, 2011
Save me. Help me. Rescue me. Get me out.
Writhing, torturous, I wanna puke, I wanna cry.
This guardian angel in disguise sends chills down my spine.
Conglomeration, mishmash.
What a hot mess, an utter hodgepodge.
Spinning, twirls.
The bile, I throw up.
Nauseous. Shivers.
I want you by my side.
Delusional fool.
Irrational dumbass.
Lost.
All is lost. On me. On whatever.
Can you tell me what's supposed to matter now?
No shoulder to cry on, no ears to scream towards.
Blast.
Poof.
Whoa whoa yeah yeah.
Hear me out, I'll prostrate.
Makes no difference if nothing makes sense.
Logic kept you on your toes, kept me away.
Yells barely there.
Whispers blaring.
It's chilling.
To be who I am.
To have drops streaming without ever knowing why.
Restrained, unrestrained, trite trivalities. Banal.
Bane of my existence.
Seventeen. Schmuck.
Broken like a rag doll.
Hug me tight. Say it's all right.
No don't.
I bite.
I'll tear off your arms.
I'll rip off your soul.
I want to paint a story that'll shatter everything.
Splinters, shards, tints, shades, plethora of rainbows.
Wham. Bam.
Hisses of fear.
Shutter clicks, jumps of fits.
It's time we cease our shenanigans.
• 2:59 AM, Friday, December 30, 2011
Inspiration strikes alongside its faithful companion.
This little thing called "dilemma", because it's 3 in the morning and I'm half-convinced inspiration will slip from my grasp as the night trickles by if I ever dare consider attempting the atrocity named "sleeping".
Such is life. Such is bliss.
I've just realised, I'm blessed.
I've always known I'm blessed, but I've only just realised how blessed I am.
Really, a dilemma consisting of writing or sleeping. What kind of dilemma is that?
Weary.
Fatigue is catching up, I can't seem to type what I meant to get across.
Maybe I'll update you later in the day, later in the week, later on the way.
Night.
Sweet dreams.
Hang on tight.
• 8:29 PM, Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Aptitude, vocabulary and all that shiat does not matter when you come down to it.
Writing, admittedly, gives a more colorful and extensive portrayal when the author drops bombastic bombs but that in itself doesn't create a story that etches its footprints deep within the reader's heart. I've read enough stories to know.
A shallow story, no matter the seemingly frabjous terms, remains shallow.
A deep and fulfilling story on the other hand hits you in all the right spots.
The dialogue, neither rich nor complex.
The action, hardly even making itself known.
The atmopshere, so quaint, clutches at your heartstrings.
In fact, the most fulfilling stories often use radical terms.
There's no word you need to check in the dictionary, no awkward fumbling as your mind processes the sentences your eyes rake in and it leaves you satisfied as an after shower. You feel the action despite the absolute lack of such because the dialogue packs just that sheer amount of punch. You feel it isn't a desperately made plot because there is no plot, only a real-life conversation that sends you into springtime.
Too many words, innumerous combinations.
That's how the stories are born, and breathe.
I'm envious, damn it.
So envious.
'Cause that just means I'll never be as good at writing.
Unless I get out there and mingle and get to know life.
Those who truly know life, they write the best stories there can be.
No matter how many words I learn, how I sharpen my grammar, I'm merely pitting myself against an impeccable wall of futilty. It hurts, because I firmly believe this is the only niche I have that I'll throw myself so wholeheartedly into. It hurts.
God, it really hurts.
• 10:11 PM, Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Maybe if one day, I cease to be everything I can't will liberty truly settle.
Maybe this aching will dull and maybe happiness will be easier to catch.
Maybe everything I've been blinded to will rush me by and flood my senses, tingling.
Maybe I'll find it's not that difficult, not that frightening, not the Armageddon I've been expecting to mature into a better me, to face whatever everyone faces, to admit I've never been who I thought I was.
Maybe I'll be accepted with open arms.
Maybe the tears will finally leak of joy.
Maybe my self-conceit has taken me too far when brethrens have been right alongside.
Maybe, just for once, it's neither selfish nor fallacious to strive for me, myself.
Maybe it's a sin to have ignored what my soul has been throwing through the non-existent window.
Maybe it's all right to be confused and lost on the dwindling path of life.
Maybe it's all right to laugh out loud like a dumbass, a fool of the absolute kind.
And maybe it's time to reach out and kick up a riotous storm.
• 9:58 PM, Sunday, December 25, 2011
Hell, I can't seem to keep myself focused for one full day.
I lose interest at the speed of light. Okay, exaggeration.
But you get the gist.
I was so giddy with joy over this inexplicably well-written NaruSasu fanfiction that delved so deeply into emotions with such simple terms, I was engrossed and obsessed and entranced and then it's gone altogether.
I've so many things I want to express, like that sparkle peeking out from under the dark folds of the night and I imagine it's an UFO when in reality we know all too well it's a damned kite with LED bulbs or that I hate starting sentences with "I" because it's trite and repetitive or how I want to incorporate as many beautiful nouns, adjectives, verbs or adverbs into my language because I find it oh-so-beautiful. Repetitive I tend to be, did I mention that?
That, and I find it horrifying how I'm growing up. Literally and figuratively.
Fast and speedy like a roadrunner, makes my head spin and whirl around and round.
My creativity...is being sapped up and I don't like that, not in the least bit.
• 11:33 PM, Thursday, December 22, 2011
And I dedicate all my rabu to Naruto. ♥
How is it that the guys of Naruto capture my heart so?
Oh, I'm so madly, blindly in love and I'm not even joking.
Naru's my ichiban, of course, but Rock Lee is so, so...
Asdfghjkl you have my heart Lee.
Opinions be damned, you're suave.
(If someone like Lee ever exists in RL, I'll glomp and pursue him till the ends of Earth even though I'm well aware it's one hopeless love because he wouldn't fall for someone like me.)
And then we have this lazy ass here.
(InoShika fans, are you on red alert?
Read the damned caption, read it!)
His ability to mutter so many "Troublesome" in one episode is astounding.
That, and I love how he breaks the stereotypical anime guy with his calmness.
He isn't provoked when you call him a coward (heck he doesn't mind acting like one should the situation call for such), he doesn't care if you throw insults at him and he couldn't care less about being #1 (or anything other than sleeping for that matter).
Truly lovable. ♥
Aaaaaaand...
Now that I'm re-watching the Chuunin arc of Naruto, I realised Neji is not as gentle and considerate, nor is Tenten that ignorant towards other guys as I've depicted them to be. Really, I suspect too much Shippuuden messed with my mind.
(But just as well, that gives me more room should I pen other NejiTen fanfictions in the future. I still can't believe Tenten said Sasuke is cute. I mean, understandable, he is handsome from the 10 episodes or so I've re-watched till this point but it's incredulous because it's Tenten and she just remarked Sasuke is cute. Red alert. High alert.)
Okay, so maybe Naruto: Neji isn't on my list of "Homg these guys, I want to replicate my heart and hand one to each of them", but Shippuuden: Neji definitely is.
But sigh, Naruto was- Naruto is good. Better than Shippuuden in a sense.
All the fun and thrill and tension and adventure and zeal and passion.
But what can we do? Times change, people mature, and we move on. Don't give me bullshit like "It's an anime, what nonsense are you spouting?" if you happen to be thinking along this line because it's not just an anime. It's a story that encompasses the vibrancy of life and speaks of tales beyond our imagination. It's alive. No I'm not a weaboo and I do have a life, tyvm.
I don't get why it's wrong to idolise onscreen characters to some people.
So the characters are not breathing in our world, they're intangible.
So what? Is it that wrong to venerate characters with perfect moral values and personality traits from the bottom of our hearts? (And sometimes it's the way they mature that makes me fall that much harder in love with them.)
I do admit, it gets me away from RL. It unroots the feet I've planted so deeply on Earth. But I'm not using this to escape. I really- This is true love. (But I'm lucky they don't exist in RL all at once or I'll have to commit adultery.)
They're just so fucking gorgeously perfect, asdfghjkl, just have my heart(s) kay. ♥
• 10:58 PM, Wednesday, December 21, 2011
HOT DAMN.
Today's been cool, my nose ain't sniffing snot up like a desperate fool and I wrote a page worth of NejiTen but holy damn, 1, 2 or even 3, but 4's the breaking point. How the hell do 4 people pull out at the same time, pray tell?
Not doubting them, circumstances occur; more like I'm pissed with nature for allowing this coincidence to occur because I turned down a glamarous, free, bound-to-be-fantastic shopping trip with my crazy cousins for this outing and now 4 people pull out. The fun ain't over; I just called my cousin, guess what? Now she's not free tomorrow.
Jesus fucking christ, my luck will be my downfall one merry day.
And just to clarify, I'm fucking blaming nature, not the people per se.
Great damn, I want to bang my head against the wall.
This one's for using so many profanities in one post.
I despised people using "fuck" like they had all the authority in the world. Guess it's time for some good ol' self-loathe. Nothing hits home like self-loathe on a dastardly day as such. My mind is like a broken machine, printing "fuck" all over my vision.
I am pissed, damn you, what's your problem?
Don't be judgemental just because I cursed.
Oh yeah, FB is shitting up.
Page can't load, can't delete my post.
What post, am I tickling your idiotic curiosity?
The post asking people to verify their timing.
I'm ashamed. I want to yell. I want people to yell at me for screaming at 11:12 PM. Idk, I'm just ticked off okay? Everything's rubbing me the wrong way like I woke up on the wrong side of bed. Maybe I did, maybe I fucking did.
Nothing's wrong with the world, never been.
My eyes just can't see the beauty anymore.
• 7:03 PM,
Hot damn, my arm's still aching after 2 days.
Wii is a formidable opponent. No, of course not, the other player (who happens to be my cousin) is never relevant. It's the Wii I'll always face and challenge, the Wii that's formidable and not my cousin who swung the controller like a madman (as did I, maybe crazier).
On that note, I think part of my brain has ceased to function. My creative juices, I can't feel them flowing through my body and goddamn I'm feeling lazy like a king. And then all this profanity comes spewing from my mouth/hands (take your pick). Honestly, I swear.
Responsibility, priorities, butter and flies!
I want to pen and dedicate a proper story. ):
NejiTen deserves no lesser than the best of my best.
SHAPE UP, KYASHA. Jesus fucking christ.
Legasp.
(I looked out and I pondered. The world is falling apart like Lego bricks. Where's the gorgeous, where's the breathtaking, where's the heart thumping? Today the fault lies herein.)
MY BRAIN. ISN'T. WORKING.
• 9:33 PM, Saturday, December 17, 2011
Okay, wow.
So it's been 10 months since I last posted. I've been using Blogger.com here and there for my raw translations, but how I've missed you. Things change. What I didn't know was how much things could change within 10 months.
Maturity is a queer, queer creature. Whatever happened to my small caps and spaces before full-stops? They used to be my breakaway from reality. Now my sentences aren't perfect if they don't start with caps, laced with perfect punctuation.
I love writing, I still do. I didn't get into Mass Communication. But I posted about that, didn't I? Blogging, I typed fervently with a mad passion. Sieving through my olden posts from time to time.
It's nice to physically read my transitions into different stages of life. It's nice to know how I felt back then, how I felt yesterday, how I feel right now and how I'll feel in the future. Blogging, it connects bits and pieces of your life like a diary that'll serve you till you bid goodbye for an eternity.
I stopped all together, I was at a hectic point at the peak of my life (and I still am). All the adults, do they undergo this roller coaster ride before reaching the point they're at now?
I'm so frustrated, I could cry in anguish with hot tears streaming down my cheeks and punch anything my fist reaches till it's glistening blood red and yell for the world to hear that I'm emotionally wrecked and could do with a little pat or two.
But what, everyone's already acknowledged my accomplishments. What's left is turning trivalities into feats so I will finally be proud of myself. (What a prick, what a stuck-up snob, she's not satisfied with what she has and what she's accomplished thus far?)
It's never enough. I will never stop comparing. I will never think I'm amazing (now that's just narcissistic). The world is so breathtakingly beautiful, but I never seem to gasp in mild surprise. Everyone seems to take touch screen phones for granted, but I don't. I still think they're wonderful little gadgets (and how the hell does touch screen work, where the hell does technology want to take us?) and I'll forever be fascinated by their workings.
Am I trying to prove something?
Maybe.
(I wanted to get something across. I forgot what.)
English is one gorgeous, cruel creature. It took my heart and shattered the organ into three pieces. Just three. They're all pumping and screaming in utter pain. One reserved moment at least once every fortnight. "Why," they whisper in raspy, contorted voices, "Why so adamant?"
B-but, I'm not being adamant!
When did I ever deny my regret? I've openly expressed my remorse. My grades weren't good enough, my English isn't good enough either so I couldn't enter the course of my dreams. End of case.
I'm exceling in my current course, even. Do I take things for granted? I don't know, I'm going mental with all these internal debates I hold at this rate. Why must you be so enticing?
Oh, holy crap.
Infatuation was enough. You had to turn it into something more. It hurts, it's painful, it's aching. It's one beautiful heartache to be agonizing over you. This hole stretches down and down and down and down- You're not willing to let me escape from this bottomless pit. And I love you too much to care, even if you're tearing me to unrecognizable bits and shreds.
I, will never give up on you.
The bridge was taut, beautiful in every way. The windows to her soul, the agonizingly long expanse of road. Crestfallen she stood, time flying her by.
嵐の大ファンです。♥
'KYASHA.
Jissen Karate Kaikan; black belt
dA | FF.net | LJ | YouTube | ZeroEight x2
Days gone by,
May
31st`Papa's bday
June
12th`Joseph onii-chan's bday
17th`Nino-chan's bday
July
-
August
5th`Shoko-tan!
30th`MatsuJun's bday
September
15th`嵐's bday
October
7th`Toma-kun's bday
November
3rd`嵐's 13th Anniversary :D
18th`Belinda's bday
26th`Oh-chan's bday
December
24th`Aiba-chan's bday
28th`Jason onii-san's bday
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
August 2008
September 2008
October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
February 2009
March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
July 2009
August 2009
September 2009
October 2009
November 2009
December 2009
January 2010
February 2010
March 2010
April 2010
May 2010
June 2010
July 2010
August 2010
September 2010
October 2010
November 2010
December 2010
January 2011
February 2011
December 2011
January 2012
February 2012
March 2012
April 2012
May 2012
Designer: %PURPUR.black-
BaseCodes: detonatedlove
Blockquote: abstractiqqueart
Modifier: SleepyDreamGirl
Background: ll13jl
Icons: matrixsakini & yuukivha
